Page 51 of Wings of Strife
“What’s really going on, firefly?”
Shit. I don’t want to lie to him, but I haven’t figured out yet how I’m going to tell them. Can I handle it if they hate me?
The answer is far too obvious. My connection with Raphael and Theo is one I’ve grown to rely on more than I probably should. I rest my forehead against the cool leather of the bag and take a deep, steadying breath. “I fucked up, Theo.”
“Hey,” he says, placing a hand on my shoulder. “Whatever happened, it’s probably not as bad as you think. Talk to me.”
“You say that now, but when you find out, you’re going to hate me.”
“I could never hate you.”
Without bothering to pick my head up, I spill my dirty deed. “You know how I went to Zeke’s house earlier? Because his dad has a workshop, we thought might be a great, private, and controlled place to practice imbuing sunfire. Well, I was able to imbue the smallest amount, just enough to cause a faint glow on the blade, and in our excitement, we kissed. Well, a little more than kissing, but his dad walked in before … ya know.”
My face feels like it’s on fire. Theo hasn’t said a word, and even though I’ve avoided looking at him thus far, I can’t help but sneak a peek at him from the corner of my eye. To my surprise, he doesn’t look angry at all.
“Come here,” he says, holding out a hand for me to take.
I hesitate but take it anyway, following him to the benches along the back wall. We sit, but he says nothing and my thoughts spiral out of control. Is he mad at me? Upset? If he is, he fucking hides it well because it’s almost like he doesn’t care, which is somehow worse. I wish he’d say something and put me out of my damn misery.
With my hand still tucked in his, he finally breaks the painful silence. “It would have been more than fine if things had gone further between you and Zeke today. Raphael always assumed you had history together.”
I look away, focusing on a speck of dirt on the floor. “We slept together at the start of term but, wait. What do you mean, itwould have been fine? I hooked up with someone else behind your back. Aren’t you mad?”
Theo chuckles, causing my confusion to grow. “I’m sure Raphael will take it a little harder, but it’s not like we haven’t noticed the tension between you and the Fallen house leader. We knew this was a possibility.”
My face falls at his words, and I feel like the biggest asshole imaginable. “You knew I’d cheat on you?”
“No, no. Not that.” He squeezes my hand. “And just like kissing me isn’t cheating on Raphael, it’s the same with Ezekiel. Or at least, it can be if that’s something you’d be interested in?”
I stare at him now, completely dumbfounded by the turn of this conversation. And even though IthinkI know what he’s saying, I need to hear the words. “What do you mean?”
“I know we haven’t put any official labels on our relationship yet, and that’s more than fine with me, but have you considered adding Zeke to our dynamic and dating all of us?”
Seconds turn into minutes, and still I keep quiet. I won’t lie and say I haven’t considered it. Hell, Dina even joked about it on the tower before everything went to shit, but could I even do that?
Theo watches me process his question with an odd look of hope on his face.
Is this what he wants? To share me?
I suppose it makes sense, given how willing he and Raphael are, but it’s different with them. They actually get along.
If he’s being vulnerable, then maybe so can I.
“Well, if we’re being honest, I have thought about it. But I never considered it an actual option. Zeke doesn’t exactly get along with you and Raph, and until recently, I thought the guy hated me.”
A soft chuckle escapes Theo’s lips, and he nudges his shoulder against mine. “That guy hasn’t hated you for a single day in hislife. But he has things he needs to work through, same as all of us. When he’s ready, I’m sure he’ll explain. For now, consider what I said, and if you decide all three of us would make great boyfriends, we can meet up and see about making things official.”
“You’re serious,” I say when I realize he’s not pretending or joking in the slightest. When he nods, I don’t let myself think about my response too long or I’ll lose my nerve. “Okay. I’ll think about it.”
His smile widens until he’s the happiest he’s ever looked. I remember he told me once that Raphael was willing to share me because he knew it would make me happy. From Theo’s reaction to the small knowledge that I’m even thinking about making things official, I think he must feel the same way.
“Don’t worry about what happened with Zeke today. If you want, I can tell Raph and let him know what you’re considering.”
I didn’t miss the fact that somehow Theo knows what it is Zeke’s working through while I don’t. As much as I want to ask how he knows, now isn’t the time. Instead, I shift closer to him. “I truly don’t know what I ever did to deserve you,” I whisper, welling with tears.
“I ask myself that question every day aboutyou, firefly.” He wipes away the stray tear that’s fallen down my cheek and I lean into his touch.
When I came in here, I was so focused on my own personal shit that I didn’t pay attention to what was happening right in front of me. Now that I’ve calmed down and things don’t seem as bleak, I remember how Theo was when I stepped into the room.
