Page 61 of Forever & Always You
I’m so nervous, the tremor in my hands is clear in my chicken-scratch handwriting. I grab another sheet, and another, and another, writing down every single one of my promises:
You will come first every single time, no matter what.
I won’t repeat past mistakes.
I’ll try my best to always make you happy, and I’ll never hurt you on purpose.
I spread out the signed papers across the countertop and step back, practically vibrating from the adrenaline rush of trying to get all of my words out so quickly. I don’t know how else to drill it into Austin’s brain that my intentions are genuine, that I want this to work more than anything, that I’m not the cruel Gabrielle he knew when we were teenagers.
He pulls out a chair and slumps down into it, running his hands over the sheets of paper in front of him while I hold my breath. When he doesn’t say anything at all, I decide to take a risk.
“Austin,” I say clearly, draping my arms around his neck and hugging him from behind. I press my face into the crook of his neck, squeezing my eyes shut. He still smells like the beach. “I was the biggest idiot in the world when we were younger, but I promise .?.?.I promiseif ever I am an idiot these days, it is never on purpose. I care about you so much.” My words are muffled against the cotton fabric of his shirt, and he remains frozenbeneath my grip on him. “Please don’t make me leave. I can’t bear to lose you after how much progress we’ve made.”
Finally, he reaches up to squeeze one of my hands as he bows his head forward, and my chest relaxes with the tiniest bit of relief. “I don’t want you to leave, Gabby,” he murmurs, “but the way I feel about you scares the hell out of me.”
“The way I feel aboutyouscares the hell out of me, too,” I whisper, “because I am so terrified of ruining it all. You’re my best friend, Austin. You always have been, and I just need you to trust me. Just one more time.”
I snuggle even deeper into him, arms wrapped tight around his neck, his hand holding mine. We remain like this for what feels like forever, but I don’t even mind. If he still asks me to leave, this will be the last time I ever enjoy his embrace and I want to make it count. I want to drag it out long enough to memorize it.
Eventually, I hear a quiet, “Okay.”
I lift my head from his shoulder and my heart straight-up skips three whole beats. “Okay?” I repeat, too scared to believe it.
Austin twists within my arms, angling himself to face me. His hands lower to my waist as he tucks me between his legs, and the way his gaze has softened is enough alone to make me want to scream from the rooftops. “One more time,” he says with a very serious nod, and I mirror him with an even bigger nod of my own. A defeated smile toys at the corner of his mouth, and that’s when I finally relax in relief. “Truth is .?.?. I’ve missed you the past hour.”
“I miss you always,” I murmur, cupping his face in my hands and pressing a kiss to the crown of his head. “Oh. There’s still sand in your hair.”
“Then perhaps a shower is needed,” he says with a grin, and a scream rips from my throat as he stands from the chair and tosses me straight over his shoulder, carrying me upstairs.
21
Buck doesn’t need me back at the bar on Monday, so I stay in Wilmington for an extra day.
Austin has to work, of course. He leaves a lingering kiss on my forehead as he slips out of bed and I watch him through a sleepy haze as he gets ready for the day. It’s incredibly hot watching him buckle his belt, secure his tie, spray some cologne. I love men, and I especially enjoy this one. I was so close to losing him yesterday that waking up with him this morning feels extra joyful.
“You’re sure you’ll be okay by yourself today?” he asks, straightening out some creases in his shirt. “Call me if you need anything.”
I’m on my stomach, face pressed into the pillows as I turn to give him a lazy smile. “I’ll be fine. Have a nice day at work, darling.”
Austin shrugs on his jacket and adjusts his watch. He smolders his eyes at me across the dim room. “You look so good with your ass in the air like that.”
I purse my lips. “You’re the boss. Take a sick day and come back to bed.”
“If only I could,” he says with a groan. He crosses thebedroom, leans down to kiss me once more, then heads off to work to study stock prices on behalf of the wealthy.
I snuggle up in the spot he’s vacated and nap for another hour before I drag myself out of bed. I’m not sureexactlywhat I’m supposed to do all day without my best friend, but I start off with consuming a monstrous bowl of cereal in front of the giant TV in the living room, and then I decide to make myself useful. I wrestle fresh sheets onto the bed, throw on a load of laundry, vacuum the carpets. I even, remarkably for the first time in my entire life,iron.As I hang up Austin’s crease-free shirts in his closet, I stare at my nails.
They are in desperate need of a manicure.
And Sasha Tate requires an apology.
When she showed up at that dive bar a month ago, it was another reminder of the awful way I used to treat people. We were good friends throughout high school, yet the second I left for Duke, I grew too big for my own boots and abandoned my old friends in the dust. The new friends I made at Duke weren’t even all that nice, and when you push everyone away, you end up with no one at all.
I turn to the internet once again to help hunt down the ghosts of my past. I found Austin within minutes, and I find Sasha just as fast. Her salon’s website is the first result that pops up when I search “Sasha Tate Beautician Wilmington NC.”
I call the number and pick anxiously at my cuticles as I listen to the dial tone, before a friendly voice answers with an upbeat hello.
“Sasha? It’s Gabby,” I say, then clear my throat. “Gabrielle McKinley.”
