Page 60 of Forever & Always You
The redirection of his anger at Zach toward me instead should absolutely be expected, yet my stomach still knots. “I’m sorry. I was trying to help, but—”
“But you screwed up.Again.”
“Austin,” I plead gently, reaching out to touch his arm, but he instantly flinches away from me and the violence of his rejection makes me feel a surge of panic. “Please. Please don’t let this ruin all the progress we’ve made so far.”
Austin braces himself hard against his car door, propping an elbow up against the window and resting his head in his hand as he sets his gaze on me. It’s like he can’t get far enough away from me. “And do you know how difficult it was for me to even let us make any progress in the first place? I gave you a chance when you didn’t deserve one, and already .?.?.Alreadyyou’ve fucked it up. I can’t just keep forgiving you. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I need to draw a line somewhere, and I think maybe that line is here.”
“What?” I squeak.
Austin swallows hard before confessing, “I think you’re going to hurt me in the end, Gabby.”
And I burst into tears right there in front of him in this stupid car, because there is no possible way I have blown my one and only chance with Austin already when I was so adamant that I would never again do anything to betray him. And the worst part is that I really, really, really didn’t mean to. I feel like the biggest idiot in the whole entire world, and the positive momentum I’ve been building in my life feels like it’s been stopped in its tracks. Where do I even go from here?
“Do you want me to get out of the car?” I manage to splutter despite the panic flooding my nervous system. “Tell me what you want me to do, Austin.”
Austin is visibly uncomfortable, his expression distorted, like he’s fighting his natural urge to console me. I don’t expect him to wipe away my tears this time. “I’m not leaving you here with Zach. I’ll take you back to my place, and you can decide what to do from there. Is that okay?”
I nod even though nothing feels okay. I don’t want to decide what to do or where to go next. I want to rewind the past fifteen minutes, to the moment Austin kissed the tip of my nose and promised me he wouldn’t let me burn in the sun, and when Zach approaches, I’ll keep my mouth shut this time around.Oh, Gabby, why couldn’t you have just kept your mouth shut?
As Austin drives, I bury my head in my hands and smother my sobs, praying with every fiber of my being that there is some way out of the mess I’ve made.
20
What is wrong with me?
No, seriously.
What is wrong with me?
Why do I keep doing this to Austin? Why do I keep on hurting him over and over again? How difficult is it, really, to be a decent human being and friend?
As I work my way around Austin’s bedroom, tossing more of my clothes into my suitcase, I feel deflated and hopeless. The second we got home, he shut himself in his office downstairs and left me to pack my bags. I can’t even be angry at him, because he is completely justified in his choice to throw me out of his house. When you’ve broken someone down so many times before, there’s only so many second chances they can give you, and I’ve wasted all of them. It’s all my fault.Again.And now I have to crawl back to my quiet, lonely life in Durham and find another way to build myself from the ground up. I can finish my bachelor’s degree at Duke, I can find a better apartment, start a career .?.?. But none of that seems all that fulfilling without my best friend in my life, and I know I need to fight one final time for Austin Pierce’s forgiveness. I need to exhaust every apology possible, and if there’s one thing we’re good at, it’s signingcontracts.
I ditch the packing for now and make my way downstairs with a newfound surge of adrenaline pumping through my veins. If this doesn’t work, then nothing else will.
Outside the office door, I suck in a deep breath and knock gently. “Austin?”
“Not now, Gabby,” Austin grumbles, but that will never be enough to stop me.
“Please can I come in for a sec?” I ask, pressing my forehead against the door and waiting out his silence. “Please? There are some things I’d like to say before I leave, because I can’t walk out of this house without telling you how sorry I am. Please, Austin. Just hear me out and if you still want me to leave, I will without another word.”
A few more beats of silence pass. I hear a chair scoot against the floor, and then the door clicks open. Austin stares down at me with a burned-out expression. At this point in our history, he is tired of it all. Tired of me and my excuses and my apologies.
“Can I borrow some paper?” I ask, and his brows knit together dubiously. “And a pen, too.”
“Gabby, what are you—?”
I imitate Teddy the Labrador from the shelter and give Austin the most pleading, adorable puppy-dog eyes I can possibly pull off. “Please?”
Austin sighs as he gives in. He turns back into his office and pulls a small stack of paper out of the printer, grabs aPierce Wealth Managementembossed ballpoint pen, then hands them over.
“Come with me,” I instruct, gesturing for him to follow me out of his study. I stride over to the kitchen island and slap the paper down on the countertop, then cast a sideways glance at Austin as I hover the pen over the top sheet. “I can promise you a thousand times that I’ll do better, that I’ll be different .?.?. But I think youneed it in cold, hard ink.”
I take my lower lip between my teeth in concentration and write:Your secrets will always be my secrets too, and I’ll never share anything you tell me in confidence.
I scribble my signature underneath, then flick over to a fresh sheet of paper.
On this one, I write:I will have your back no matter what, and will defend you in every situation even if you’re wrong,and then sign my name beneath that, too.
