Page 151 of Releasing 10
“Hugh, you can’t say things like that,” Mam argued, tone hurt and weary. “Not about your father.”
“You’re my father, Mam.You!” I snapped back, turning to glare at her. “You’re the only parent either of us have had since the accident.”
Her breath hitched.“Hugh!”
“Listen…” Blowing out a frustrated breath, I pressed my fingers to my temples, trying to soothe the tension rising up inside of me. “I know he’s my father, and I know you don’t want me to have these feelings, but I’ve never tried to force you or Claire to feel the way I do about him, so please don’t try to force me.”
Mam looked like she was about to argue for a moment, but then her shoulders slumped in defeat. “I’m sorry.” Slumping against her seat, she pressed a hand to her brow and whispered, “I’m just so sorry that I haven’t been able to protect you from this.”
“Mam, you havenothingto be sorry about.” Reaching across the console, I snatched up her hand in mine. “You’ve goneover and above for us every day of our lives.” I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Claire and I couldn’t ask for a better mother.”
Her eyes were glassy from the tears I knew she would never spill in front of me or my sister. Because she saved those up for when she was in the bath and thought no one could hear her.
I heard her, though.
Every night.
“How did you grow up so fast?” Smiling sadly, she reached up and cupped my cheek. “My baby boy isn’t a baby anymore.”
“I don’t know what to say, Mam,” I replied with a shrug. “Raise a man, expect a man.” A smile ghosted my lips before adding, “But if you need a baby boy, I reckon you have another three years with Gibs before he cops on.”
That made her laugh, and I was glad, because I didn’t want to see my mother upset. This was the woman who gave me life. I would rather be raked over hot coals than cause her distress.
“What would I do without you, hmm?” Mam reached over and stroked my cheek. “Love you.”
“Love you, too, Mam, and thanks for the spin.” Reaching for the door handle, I cleared my throat before adding, “For everything.”
I’M BIPOLAR
Hugh
MARCH 18, 1999
LEAVING MY MAM IN THE KITCHEN WITHCATHERINE ANDMIKE, IHEADED STRAIGHTupstairs, anxious to see my friend. When I walked into her bedroom, Liz was where I thought she might be: curled up in a ball on her bed. The small lamp on her bedside locker illuminated her motionless frame.
Kicking off my shoes, I moved straight for her bed, not stopping until I was lying on my side, facing her. Her eyes were open, but they were dull and lifeless. “Hey.” Smoothing her hair back, I rested my palm on her cheek and whispered, “I’m here, Liz.”
Her hand shot out to fist my shirt, but she made no move to speak. She didn’t even blink. She just continued to stare right through me. It was like a part of LizknewI was here, but that part was trapped inside a frozen cage.
“It’s okay.” Shifting closer, I nuzzled her nose with mine before resting my brow against hers. “I hear you, Liz.”
She was breathing—I could see her chest rise and fall—but she wasn’t here. Every now and then, a single tear would trickle down her cheek. I made it my personal mission to wipe each one.
“You can sleep,” I whispered, stroking her cheek. “I’ll stay right here and keep the monsters away.” She had to be exhausted. I knew I was. But she didn’t close her eyes.
Reaching up, I brushed another rogue tear from her cheek before quickly swiping one from mine. “I won’t let anythinghurt you.” Whether it was the right thing to say or not, I said it. “Because you’re my best friend in the whole wide world.” Sniffling, I cupped her cheek again and leaned in close. “And I’m always going to love you, Lizzie Young.” I pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. “No matter what.”
When I moved to pull back, I felt her tug on my shirt, pulling me closer, bringing me back to her.
Calling me home.
“Hugh,” she managed to say, though her voice seemed slurred.
“Yeah, Liz.” I wiped another tear from her cheek. “It’s me.”
“Hugh.” Finally blinking, she opened her eyes and tried to locate my face. “I love you, too.”
“I know you do.” My heart seemed to soar and break all at once. “Did they give you medicine to make you sleepy, Liz?” I knew they had. She was completely spaced out. “Hmm?”
