Page 150 of Releasing 10
I didn’t care, though.
Not anymore.
“Can you help me die?” I slurred, turning my head to see the shadow of a man. “Hey, mister man, can you help me find my friend?”
“Jesus Christ,” the man cried. “How can we keep living like this?”
“Michael, please,” I heard my mother wail. “Not in front of her.”
“Hey, mister doctor?” My head bobbed and weaved like an apple on a string. Was I bobbing for apples? “Can you stop the monster?”
“Elizabeth, it’s me, Dad.”
“Dad,” I repeated, letting the word roll off my tongue. “Hey, mister dad? Can you make it stop hurting?”
The man cried again, louder this time, and I didn’t understand why.
I couldn’t figure any of this out.
“It’s all right, Elizabeth.” Someone picked up my hand and held it. “You’ll be okay.”
Would I?
Did I even care?
The injection the doctor gave me made me feel numb inside.
I couldn’t feel a thing.
RAISE A MAN, EXPECT A MAN
Hugh
MARCH 18, 1999
TWO HOURS LATER, IFOUND MYSELF SITTING IN THE PASSENGER SEAT OF MY MOTHER’Scar as she pulled up outside Old Hall House. “Before we go inside, I want to talk to you about something,” Mam said when she parked the car in her usual spot. “And I need you to hear me out.” She jacked the handbrake before turning in her seat to give me her full attention. “Can you do that for me, Hugh?”
I wanted to say no, because I knew Mam was going to plead my father’s case, but how could I do that when she’d literally dropped everything to drive me over here? I couldn’t, so I nodded stiffly. “Yeah, Mam, I can do that.”
“I know you’re struggling with your feelings about Dad right now and how you feel like he’s been absent in your life.”
No, Mam, I’mnot the one struggling with my feelings. Dadis, and I don’tfeellike Dad has been absent in our lives. Iknowhe has.
“But I need you to know that Dad loves you so much, Hugh, and he’s heartbroken to think he upset you this evening.”
Yeah, but not enough to actually help me, though.
“Dad’s devastated, Hugh,” she continued. “I know that’s hard for you to accept at this stage in your life, but I need you to show him some grace.” She reached across the console and ruffled my hair. “A good man shows compassion, and I’m raising you to be a good man.”
I waited a beat to see if she planned on adding anything else. When she didn’t, I nodded and unfastened my seat belt. “Gotcha.”
“Hold up.” Mam reached for my arm. “Gotcha? That’s all you have to say?”
“What do you want me to say, Mam?” I replied, shrugging. “You asked me to hear you out and I did.”
“Hugh.” I could hear her disappointment when she said my name like that. “Please try to put yourself in your father’s shoes for a moment—”
“I did what you asked, Mam,” I cut in and told her, reaching for the door handle. “I heard you out. I listened to you cover for him for the millionth time, but that’s all I have, okay? When it comes showing grace to Dad, I’m fresh out of it.”
