Page 47 of After the Red Carpet
“Uh-huh. Have a great day,” she said, closing her eyes.
He kissed her forehead. “You too, my love. Be brilliant and take care of our girl.”
“I’m so sorry about our present,” Lauren said, cringing with mortification. “Michael insisted he had the perfect idea. I knew it was bad when he wanted to go to the liquor store.”
Ella laughed. “It’s great. Who doesn’t want booze and cigarettes at their baby shower?”
Lauren smiled sheepishly. “He swore you’d get it. Something about how you all hung out in Sweden when you and Finn met,” she said, biting her lip. “I still wish we had gotten you a Diaper Genie. Someone, please give her another present to take the spotlight off the world’s most inappropriate baby gift.”
“Well, you’re gonna love this next one from your mother,” Finn said. “Close your eyes.”
She obliged while he held up a framed charcoal drawing Carmen had made. “Open your eyes.”
“Oh, wow!” Ella exclaimed, looking at her own serene likeness: holding her baby bump in all her pregnant glory. Finn held it up so the guests could see, to a chorus of oohs, aahs, and gasps.
“That’s gorgeous. You look blissful. It captures you entirely,” Marni remarked. “Did you pose for it?”
Ella shook her head. “It’s a complete surprise. About a month ago, Finn convinced me to let him take nude photos of me, tastefully, of course. He said he wanted to remember what I looked like carrying our little girl.”
“Pregnancy has been such a special time for us,” Finn explained. “Ella’s never been more spectacularly beautiful. I could never forget how radiant she is. The truth is, Carmen and I had conspired. She wanted to commemorate her daughter carrying her granddaughter, so I sent her the photos. Since Carmen couldn’t be here today, she shipped the final artwork and I had it framed.” He turned to Ella and said, “I thought we could hang it in our bedroom.”
She nodded.
“Okay, Ella. Open mine next. It’ll lighten the mood,” Marni said, handing her a hot-pink gift box.
“Well, the heat is off Lauren. You and Michael did not get me the most inappropriate gift of the day,” Ella said, removing a large vibrator from the box.
“It’s the top-of-the-line model,” Marni said matter-of-factly. She looked quite proud of herself.
“This is the strangest baby shower ever,” Ella remarked. “First was that cake shaped like a newborn baby. Slicing into the head really didn’t feel right; the red jelly oozing out was fucked.”
Finn laughed.
Marni rolled her eyes. “I told you I wanted to get the cake shaped like a big dick. It had two cream-filled balls on either side. Finn vetoed it.”
“It’s a baby shower, not a Vegas bachelorette party,” Finn said.
Marni shrugged. “I thought it made sense to celebrate how the baby got here in the first place. If it helps, the cake was very flattering to you.”
Ella giggled. “You’re a good friend. We share the sametwisted, slightly obscene sense of humor. But a vibrator as a baby shower gift? Really?”
“Actually, it’s very practical. I read that orgasms can induce labor. So, if you’ve had enough and want to get that sucker out of you, I figured that this may be the most expedient way to go,” Marni explained.
Everyone laughed.
“Thanks for the thought, but I think Finn has me covered in that department,” Ella said.
Finn blushed.
“No doubt,” Marni said. “But maybe the poor guy could use a break.”
Ella turned to Finn. “What do you think, love? Am I too much to handle now that I’m carrying this little basketball?”
Finn covered his eyes with his hands. “I’m so embarrassed, being that my mother is here and all.”
“Don’t worry, son. I know how babies are made,” Barbara said. “Marni’s right about the orgasm thing too. That’s how we finally got you out, more than a week past due. We did it on the couch. I was too tired to schlep all the way to the bedroom.”
“This just gets worse and worse. Like a ten-car pileup,” Finn lamented, his face in his hands. “But for the record, Marni, if Ella needs help in that department, I’m more than capable.”
