Page 88 of My Wife
“I never want to see that again,” I say.
She shakes her head. “No, Liam. Your days of barking orders are over?—”
My lips dip and my stomach tumbles. Was I barking orders? I feel the need to explain myself. “I wasn’t—I was being direct.”
“When you talk to me, use a different tone. You’re not the hockey captain of my team. Try again. Moresotto voce. Less aggressive. More tender.”
Chastened, I clear my throat. “Usually, you’re all smiles, heart wide open, pure sunshine. Whatever came over you was intense.”
She lowers onto the sofa and says, “That’s not who I want to be.”
“Right, you’re Miss Sunshine all the time.”
She shakes her head. “Not always. I lived under a rain cloud for more than half my life. It took Grandma Dolly baking me a cake for me to see things differently. To trust, mainly myself.”
“She’s a great baker.”
“The only reason I’m still here in your house is because I got a second chance. I’m willing to give you one too, mostly for KJ’s sake.”
The words slice deep and the knife glints in my eyes, reflecting the truth of how miserable I am sometimes. How everything between Jessica and me balances on the edge of that same knife.
She holds my gaze with a fierce strength I’ve rarely witnessed, reminding me that while the sun can warm and be a beautiful source of light, it can also burn.
“I wasn’t always sunny, as you say. My mother abandoned me. I never knew my father. I was in foster care, group homes, shuffled around, rejected. Mostly because I didn’t talk. Didn’t trust my voice. Didn’t believe anyone would listen. Unfortunately, I was repeatedly proven right. Thankfully, Grandma Dolly didn’t need me to speak to ‘hear’ me. To understand me. Same for you and KJ.”
My chest clenches at her story and the truth behind her calling me out for the way I’ve maintained distance between my son and me. Distance I’m trying to close. However, a door to the past remains open, blocking my way. From the darkness sounds a voice, telling me I’m not good enough for Jessica or KJ.
I rasp, “I’m so sorry.”
“You don’t need to be. I’m not going to say that I wouldn’t be who I am today if it weren’t for all my previous experiences. I could do without some of those. However, I know my worth. I learned to trust myself. I would never lie, cheat, or steal. Least of all your velvet box.”
I shake my head. “Jessica, I never thought you?—”
“If you haven’t already learned this lesson, buckle up, big daddy, because you’ll need it as KJ’s father and it’ll serve you well in just about every other interaction you have. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.”
My head turns fuzzy and my eyes burn as a memory rushes back. “I know.”
I’m about to tell Jessica everything, but the words don’t come because my actions nearly took a life. They stole a dream and I’ve lied about it ever since.
She tilts her head and her face softens. “You do?”
I close my eyes for a long moment and take a breath. “Yes, I do. I’ll work on it. Be less closed off.”
“Less demanding.”
I wince, “I’m being clear. Not leaving room for error or misinterpretation.”
“You come off like an egotistical thug living in a high tower who thinks everyone is here to do his bidding. I’m your assistant, not your servant.”
It crushes me that she thought that, even for a second. I’m not sure where this sudden glimpse of self-awareness comes from, but the army I built to protect myself from ever making a grave mistake again stands down.
I repeat, “I know.”
“Okay, so?—?”
“So, I’ll play by your rules. Say please and thank you. Usesotto voce—speak gently and kindly.”
“Good. That’s great.”
