Page 59 of My Wife
Pierre cuts her off. “If you’re referring to Liam’s abs?—”
I click my tongue. “You guys gave me an idea.”
“Tell me it’s a twelve-month calendar featuring his abs. We could make a mint,” Cara says.
“Does my salary combined with my abs mean nothing to you?” Pierre asks his wife, faux insulted.
“It’s not always about the money but the thrill of how it’s obtained.” I can practically see her scheming.
We burst into laughter.
I say, “I was thinking that I’d get him some moisturizer for his calloused hands, but put self-tanner in it and then?—”
Around what sounds like Pierre crunching a mouthful of popcorn, he says, “I see where you’re going with this, but he’d never use it.”
“My vision for the personal space thing was that you seduce him,” Cara suggests.
Pierre and I both gasp and say, “Cara!”
“He hates me. Why would I do that?”
“I highly doubt he hates you.”
I pout. “He told me he doesn’t like me.”
“Yikes,” the couple chorus.
“What were the other rules?” Pierre asks.
His wife says, “My rule is for you to save me some popcorn.”
The crunching goes quiet.
I continue, “I’m not allowed on his phone and cannot discuss his private matters with friends, family, or anyone.”
“Those make sense, butoops,” Cara says.
“This isn’t exactly a private matter because it involves me directly,” I say, circumnavigating the rule.
“What was the last one again?” Cara asks.
“Under no circumstances am I to wear his jersey.”
Pierre hoots so loud I have to hold the phone away from my ear. When he calms down, he says, “Bro does not hate you. Not at all.”
I frown, not following but wondering why I care whether he likes me. I’d hoped we could become friends or at least be civil, but that’s not probable.
“I can’t believe he included that as one of his rules.” Pierre is practically dying with laughter. “We’re about to flick on a movie, but I promise Liam opposite hates you.”
Then the line goes quiet.
Cara sends a text telling me she’s sorry for the abrupt ending to the call but that we’ll talk tomorrow.
What’s the opposite of hate?
No. No way. He definitely doesn’t love me. I don’t think that word is in Liam’s vocabulary.
His actions, rules, and so many of the things he’s said, including but not limited toDon’t like youand how my smile is too much make it very clear that he’s one hundred percent not interested.
