Page 89 of My Wife
“But I wasn’t done. So long as you never wear Grimaldi’s jersey again. Anyone else’s for that matter.”
“I’ll follow your rules too and that means not wearing yours either.”
My pulse trips as I sit down on the couch. “But what if I want you to?”
“You want me to wear your jersey?”
I lift my shoulder in a bashful shrug because that’s as far down that road as I can travel for now.
“Sure,” she says, sitting down a measure away.
I bite the inside corner of my lip and blurt, “I blew it at practice earlier.”
I tell her about how my tough love approach with the guys didn’t go over well. Vohn has ownership over that method. Apparently, they need something else from me, but what? At this point, I don’t know how else to be.
Our conversation weaves between a few anecdotes about how Grandma Dolly took her in, hockey, and the kid.
We communicate, connect. It’s the most open I’ve been in a long time, and it’s nice. A breath of fresh air as we listen to each other rather than give advice.
She asks, “Why were you put in a semi-permanent penalty box?”
I replay it in my head all the time, never having discussed it with anyone. Not my father or Hendrix, not even the other guys on the team.
“During an intense game, Badaszek brought us back to the locker room to regroup. He got down on the ground and was demonstrating us crowding around the net. It was a funny position and I accidentally laughed.”
“So you were suspended? No wonder you’ve been so ornery. I would be too if I was practically fired for smiling.” She tosses me a pointed eyebrow.
I wince. “Coach wasn’t intending to be funny. I was running on very little sleep and already on his short list for what was called unnecessary roughness and, uh, a bit of a scandal in the league a few years back.” I scratch my temple. “I tend to have a short temper when things don’t go my way.”
“Maybe you should go to daycare with KJ. Learn how to behave yourself and play with others.”
I snort. “The two-week suspension seemed extreme at the time, but I can’t help but wonder if Badaszek knew I had some personal matters to tend to and wouldn’t request time off.”
“Is that when you found out about your son?”
“I was less than two weeks in, playing Mr. Mom. I had to jump right into fatherhood without any idea what I was doing. I think I cracked.”
Jessica’s hand presses into my arm. “I’m sorry that you had to go through that alone, but why didn’t you?—?”
“Ask my family for help? Because I?—”
“You think you messed up? KJ is not a mistake. He’s the greatest blessing in your life.”
The words pierce my heart. My eyes well up. I look away. She’s right though. I love that little boy with all my heart, but it also brings with it a risk.
“Sounds like your coach offered you grace.”
“And you are too. I don’t deserve it.” My voice threatens to break.
She takes my hand and laces her fingers through mine.
“I ruin things, Jessica. I’m the mistake,” I whisper so softly I’m not sure she hears.
A long beat passes.
“That’s not true.”
“I still don’t know what I’m doing.”
