Page 39 of Dyana
“So now you know. Now you know how much of a monster I am,” Dyana said softly. She curled into a ball against the couch with her back to us.
I looked at my friends incredulously, shocked at how easily Dyana dismissed her worth. At how little she thought of herself. All Dyana could see when she looked in the mirror was all the “bad” things she did to survive, but she was so much more than that. The very fact that she was remorseful proved that. We didn’t fault her for what she had to do to survive, and I silently vowed to help her heal so that she didn’t either.
We pushed our anger about what happened to her aside and moved toward Dyana. She jumped when I gently scooped her up and moved her to the center of the bed. I arranged my body so that I was lying above her slightly, with her head on my chest to make room for Bryce at her side. Jack stretched out fully on her other side and grabbed her chin so that she was looking at him.
“I told you before, and I’ll continue to tell you every time you need to hear it, I’m not going anywhere, Doll. We’re not going anywhere. We don’t care about your past or what you had to do.”
“We are very sorry those things happened to you, Dyana, but your circumstances don’t make you who you are,” I said. “You aren’t a monster. You’re a survivor. So many people would have given up, and I’m sure they did, but you didn’t. You fought and adapted. There is absolutely no shame in that.”
“I’m sorry I caused your panic attack,” Bryce said softly, “but I’m glad you finally shared your story with us. And I need to tell you, all of those deaths aren’t your fault. You didn’t kill those people.”
“I killed some of those people,” Dyana cried.
We all moved closer to her. “We’ve all killed some people, Dyana,” I replied. “There isn’t a person alive who hasn’t.”
She didn’t reply, and we didn’t push her to continue talking about it. We knew now, and that was the important thing, because now we could help her heal. Now that we understood why she pulled away from us, we were better equipped to help her through those negative thoughts.
We didn’t speak again until Dyana’s gentle snores filled the room. “Do you think Harris is still after her?” I asked.
“For his sake, I hope he became zombie food, because if I find him, I’ll fucking kill him with my bare hands,” Jack growled.
“I assume you mean after we’ve tortured him for a while,” Bryce replied.
“So we’re all on the same page then. Good.”
When I woke up the next morning, Dyana was still sleeping between us. She looked so peaceful, which wasn’t always the case when she slept. I wouldn’t admit it to her, but I’ve spent more mornings than I care to admit to watching Dyana sleep. I couldn’t help it. Part of me found it hard to believe she was real. For four years, Dyana had been a fantasy. Someone we talked about and looked for, even though we knew we’d never find her.
Every morning, I woke up in terror, worried that it had all been a dream. So to alleviate that feeling, I watched her sleep.
“You’ve gotta stop being such a fucking creeper,” Bryce rumbled.
“Shh,” I said when his voice made Dyana’s forehead wrinkle. “If you wake her up, I’m going to punch you in the nuts.”
“If you wake me up, I’m going to punch both of you in the nuts,” Jack mumbled. He pulled Dyana closer and buried his face in her neck. When she wrapped her arm around him and sighed, I felt a pang of jealousy. Their connection was undeniable. I wanted that. I knew that Dyana and I would get there one day, that this was brand new, but I still yearned for it. Hoping to let her sleep longer, I slid off the bed and went to take a piss. I grabbed my knife and opened the front door cautiously in case the zombies from the night before were still in the yard. I didn’t see them, so I stepped out onto the front stoop.
It was already shaping up to be a beautiful day, which was great news. The chickens wouldn’t come out if the weather were shitty. As I pissed off the side into the bushes I heard the surprising sound of a motor. There weren’t many cars on the road anymore, and the sound momentarily froze me to the spot as my brain struggled to accept what I had heard. The vehicle had gotten closer when I finally snapped out of it and ran back into the house.
While I was always willing to meet new people, I didn’t like the idea of doing so when we had Dyana with us. I peeked out the window as a dirty car rolled through the neighborhood, slowly causing warning bells to go off in my head. I stiffened slightly as Jack and Bryce joined me at the window.
“Who do you think it is?” Bryce asked.
“It could be anyone,” Jack replied quietly.
After hearing Dyana’s story last night, we were all a bit on edge, worried that Harris could show up at any moment.
“But it could be—“
Jack cut me off. “Anyone. Let’s just keep this quiet for now. I don’t want to scare Dyana unnecessarily.” I wasn’t sure how smart it was to keep a potential threat from Dyana, but considering one of us was usually with her at all times, how much danger could she be in?
We let Dyana sleep late into the morning. God knew she needed it. When Dyana finally awoke, she grabbed her things and darted down the hall to the bathroom. When she returned, she handed my shirt back to me.
“Thanks,” she said shyly.
“I’m the one who should be thanking you,” I replied. “Now I’ll get to smell like you all day.” My words made her blush, and I grinned at her like an idiot. I was just so happy at that moment. I had my brothers by my side, and we got the girl. It could only get better from here.
Bryce pulled Dyana into his lap. “Do you forgive me for triggering you last night?”
“I was never upset with you,” Dyana replied. “There’s no way you could have known it would have triggered me, especially if I didn’t know until it happened.”
