Page 200 of Call the Shots
“What?”
“You and me. What do they have to do with us?”
Our eyes met and I hesitated, resting my chin on my knee. “What if I’m wrong? What if there’s a perfectly reasonable explanation and I don’t see it or I’m ignoring it because I don’t like Xavier? What if it’s not okay right now but your family couldget closer after this except I poison you against them? I don’t know, Bear. I stay up late thinking about this—I don’t know.”
“I mean…I have to talk to my dad,” he admitted.
“I think that’s a great idea.”
“He knows you, he likes you?—”
“Bear, that’s not what I mean.” Quickly, I shook my head. “And I can guarantee if you told him about us, he’d be furious that you got involved with ‘Xavier’s girlfriend?—’”
“You’re not Xavier’s girlfriend,” he insisted. “You’remygirlfriend.”
My heart skipped a beat. “That’s how your dad’s going to see it. Honestly, sleeping with me is one thing, dating me is another." I pursed my lips, trying to figure out how to explain so he’d understand. "Xavier wouldneverforgive this. He’s your stepbrother, you’ll have to see him for the rest of your life, you don’t want that tension. And I don’t mean he’ll spread rumors about you or trash a garden or some bullshit—what if this ruins your chance to bridge the gap with your family?”
“What about your garden?”
“Nothing,” I said about a milli-second after him, too fast to be truthful. I fucked that up so bad. My face burned and I averted my gaze, stumbling through my words to keep the conversation going.
“Your garden—like at your house?” Bear interjected.
“I—I—” My insides twisted to hear his concern—this was a conversation about his family issues and Bear stopped it to find out what happened. “Xavier—um—ripped up my garden and posted about it.”
“What?”
“That’s not?—”
“That fucking psycho—he did that because heknewyou’d see it. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“It doesn’t matter?—”
“This dipshit can’t keep hurting you and getting away —”
“Bear, that’s not what we’re discussing?—”
“Yes, it is. You’re the only thing I talk about anymore, you’re the only thing I think about, I wake up, and you’re in my head because you live there." His voice deepened, low and gravelly, sending a shiver down my spine. "I know what you want to talk about, but my girlfriend’s bound to be part of the conversation too, you’re ineverythought I have now.”
“I’m not your girlfriend, Bear,” I blurted out.
“Because of my family bullshit?”
“I'm not girlfriend material. I have to prepare to go into a grocery store—that’s not normal—I have mental problems!”
“Uh, yeah, I know.” Bear frowned, confused. “We live together. I know you have mental illness, eating disorder stuff going on. I kind of see it every day.”
“Then you know I wouldn’t be healthy for you.”
“You having mental problems doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” Bear said slowly. “It just means…I want to be there for you and love you and help you get better.”
My heart crashed against my ribcage while I stared at him, mouth agape. I didn’t think the conversation would go like this. I thought it’d be so much easier to break things off and call it quits, but Bear dismissed everything that’d been giving me anxiety for weeks, like it was so easy to do.
I couldn’t do that. What if we dated and I had to interact with his family again? How could I do that? Even if everything magically got better between them, I’dliketo be the person to forgive and forget, but that was wishful thinking.
I wanted to hurt Warren so fucking bad for what he did to Bear. That sharp desire scared me, I wouldn’t be able to keep that bottled inside.
Bear watched me, his face drawn in concern. He took a deep breath. “June? Can you say the real reason?”
