Page 199 of Call the Shots
JUNE
CAN YOU SAY THE REAL REASON
As soon aswe crossed the threshold, I lurched away from him like I’d touched a burning skillet and sank to the couch. This was my fault. I did this, I hurt Bear.
He took a heavy seat. “You don’t love me. I…can wait?”
“No, Bear, this isn’t—” My throat closed, and I struggled to swallow. “I need you to listen to me, because I can’t keep ignoring this anymore. When I was growing up, I thought abuse was like getting slapped and that was it. Black-and-white stuff. I didn’t realize how gray some of the areas were.”
“Oh.” Bear nodded. “Yeah.”
“Sometimes, I think, we don’t even realize when we’re being abused.”
“I’m glad you recognize that now.”
“No, Bear…” My eyes flickered to him. “I’m not talking about me.”
“I’d never hurt you, June.”
“I know you wouldn’t.”
Bear gazed at me, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Slowly, he shook his head, the ghost of a smile on his face. “Uh, I’m not abused. I mean, I’m scraped to shit, but if anything, that’s hockey’s fault.”
“My family can be a lot.” I hesitated. “But it’s okay because they love me, and I know they’re trying their hardest to understand me and what I’m going through. But…”
“If you’re talking about Xavier?—”
“It’s not just him. There’s something wrong with your family.”
His frown deepened. “I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t want to be the one to tell you because I’m not the best person for this. How could I be? I have my own family issuesandI’m raveled up in yours. I’m not an unbiased opinion. But it’s been bothering me all summer—how is it that I dated your brother forsix yearsand you and Inevermet? Ever?”
“I had hockey.”
“Theentiretime, Bear? I went to Cancún with your family twice, I attended family reunions. Xavier and I used to stay in the same hotel your dad did for his business trips, just for fun!”
“Yeah, I had hockey and camps and school. I should’ve made time.”
The blame Bear put on himself hurt so bad because he didn’t see it how I did. I’d been to his house, I saw how different Xavier and Bear were treated, especially with his absence. Xavier’s bedroom had its own walk-in closet and a glass case for his awards. Bear’s room was put together like the lowest-end motel room, necessities only. There were maybe two pictures of Bear in his own home, both Bear sent himself. And whenever I brought up his biological son, I could clearly remember how fast his dad changed the subject.
Bear was something they brushed under a rug and kept out of sight from company. The fact that he didn’t see anything wrong with that pierced me like a knife.
“That wasn’t your responsibility. That was theirs to include you.” Tears pricked at the corners of my eyes, and I hurried to brush them away. “You were sleeping at another family’s housein North Dakota because your dad wouldn’t pay for a place for you to stay.”
“My dad’s not like that—he wants me to earn my keep, and I’d never ask?—”
“Do you think Xavier pays for his apartment? His cars? His tuition? His grandpa isn’t the only one footing the bill.That’s your dad too. And do you think Xavier ever had toask?” My stomach churned. “If your dad couldn’t afford it, that’s one thing but…”
“Did Xavier tell you this? You know he’s trying to rile you up?—”
“Your dad lives ten minutes away from campus, Bear. When’s the last time you saw him?” I said as gently as I could. “He’s been to Marrs multiple times for Xavier, I saw his car.” I grabbed my pillow to hide my shaking hands. “Your family isn’t supposed to treat you like this. I’m so sorry. And I’m sorry I was part of it.”
We fell silent. I didn’t understand why Bear was set apart in his own home. It hurt so bad that anyone could do that to him. I hurried to brush away tears, embarrassed to be the one crying while Bear sat in silence.
He was seven years old when his mom died. With the legal proceedings, he lived at his aunt and uncle's house, waiting for the custody paperwork to go through, to move to a new country with a father like Warren. I couldn’t imagine how lonely Bear must’ve been. It broke my heart to think about.
“What does this have to do with us?” he finally asked.
