Page 97 of Burn Bright
Everyone but me and Audrey go inside for the breakfast Chef Michael whipped up. He’s been my family’s private chef for years and he’d make mouth-watering blueberry vegan pancakes every Sunday for me.
Ignoring my growling stomach, I spend extra time with my sister while I’m here.
She spreads out a quilt that Beckett sewed for her years ago. “His love language is gift giving,” Audrey says, seeing me staring at the quilt, then she smiles at the baseball cap on my head.
My favorite worn-out blue ballcap was a gift from Beckett. It’d been his when he was a kid. “He does it well,” I say.
“Too well. I’m envious.” She plops onto the quilt while I lie on the earth, staring up at the clouds. She’s quick to tell me, “Everyone just worries about you, you know.”
Turning onto my side, I prop on my elbow to face her. “No one needs to walk on eggshells around me. I’m doing fine.”
“But you’re still not speaking to Winona. She was your bestfriend.”
“She’s one of your best friends.”
“We can both have the same best friend, like we had for years. It was a pleasant time, wasn’t it, Ben?” She slips off her gloves, waiting for my response.
“Yeah,” I nod.It was.I have no complaints about my childhood and adolescence. Even the saddest days couldn’t wash away the love. I felt rich because of my enormous family, including the Hales and Meadows. Not because of the trips around the world, the trust fund, the luxury cars, the mansions. Even now, my pockets might be empty, but I’m going to feel the most broke when I never come back home.
I know this.
I push past the ache in my chest. It’s hard not to think of Harriet when I do. I thought about inviting her to this backyard funeral, but I’d rather introduce her to my parents one-on-one and not among all my siblings. It’d overwhelm most anyone, and after what happened on Friday night, she might need a breather from the chaos.
Plus…it might not be a good idea to do yet. I shouldn’t draw closer to her unless I explain more of my situation. So yeah, I need to do that first.
I focus on my sister. “How’s school going?” She updates me over text every day. “Did you finally convince drama club to let you in?” Her and Kinney have been getting more involved in extracurriculars to take their mind off not having Winona and Vada around.
“No, I fear it’s a lost cause. I found out that Mandy Dean hates me because Eliot wouldn’t give her older sister a third date when he was at Dalton. And Father might not believe in curses, but Eliot most assuredly cursed me. So now you can’t rest easy living with a curser.” She lifts her veil, so I can see her face more clearly. Hurt creases her eyes.
I didn’t choose Eliot over you, I want to tell her.
But I did.
“No one’s giving you crap though? No guys are messing with you or Kinney?”
Audrey sighs. “You don’t have to ask me that every time we talk.” She slowly folds her gloves. “I’d tell you if someone were harassing me.”
“Like you told me about Winona?”
“It wasn’t my place, and I didn’t even know the extent. Not like Vada did.” She removes her hat completely now. Her carrot-orange hair blows in the soft wind. “And anyway,no oneis going to try anything with Kinney or me. Not after you sent Tate to the hospital. I think that scared everyone at school.”
Even though Tate drugged my cousin, I should have still been charged with assault. I realize how lucky…privileged I am to have parents with the best lawyers in town. The threat of litigation alone was enough for Tate’s family to quietly settle.
“That’s an unintended benefit, I guess.” I pick a weed out of the grass. “Have you been regretting not going to boarding school?”
“Not even for a second.” She speaks so quietly, as if it’s a secret. “I feel guilty, almost, for not wishing I were with them. But I didn’t just stay in Philly to be close to our parents.”
“Jane and Thatcher?” I guess since they’re here too.
“Not just them either.”
I frown. “Okay, I’m confused.”
“You and our brothers.” She explains further, “You do realize the commute from Philly to see you in New York is only two hours? From boarding school it’d take over three hoursto reach Hell’s Kitchen. Even longer to come back here. It’s forever away, really, and I don’t want to be forever away from all of you. And one day, I’ll be in New York City, too. We’ll be together again. You can count on it.”
I won’t be there, Audrey.
This conversation is more painful than I thought it’d be. “New York would be better with you in it.” I try to smile at her.
