Page 255 of Burn Bright
She gets emotional because she said that to me once upon a time. “You don’t have to always beokayfor me to love you, Ben. We’re all a little fucked up.” Her eyes swim against mine. “And I didn’t stop loving you when you left. I won’t stop loving you now that you’re back.” She holds my neck. “But we have a lot of talking to do.”
“Yeah, we do.”
“Right now, I kind of just want you to kiss me.” As her eyes drop to my lips and mine drop to hers, I crash into her in a soulful, body-pulling kiss. It wrenches us together. My blood heats at her touch. Her fingers curl into my hair.Never let her go.
I’ll never let her go.
Beckett and Charlie linger on the tarmac, catching up with each other, and Harriet and I slip into the warmth of the SUV, crawling past the captain’s chairs and into the cramped backseat. Just so we can sit beside each other.
I remove my heavy winter jacket. Feeling her examine me from a few inches away. I do the same to her as she shrugs off her leather coat. Her striped pants ride low on her waist, and her black sweater molds her chest and slender arms. I can see her hip bones.
“You look thinner,” I mention, my heart in knots.
Her neck flushes. “Puking your guts up all night will do that…and I haven’t had much of an appetite.”
“You want to stop at Wendy’s or Taco Bell?”
“You don’t like fast food.”
“I’d stop anywhere for you.”
She chews the corner of her lip, a smile almost peeking. “Maybe. We’ll see.” She watches me shove my sleeves to my elbows. “You have all your fingers and toes or did frostbite get you?”
“Intact.” I wiggle all ten fingers. “Physically fine. Emotionally questionable. Mentally fucked up.” I slide closer to her. “What about you? Head, ears, knees, and toes?” I place a hand on her head, then pinch her cute ears. “All there.”
“Can you take your shirt off?” she asks. “In case you were mauled.” She’s seriously worried. I don’t tease her because the same concern for her is cycling through me.
I grip the back of my shirt and tug it over my head. Pulling the fabric off, I show her my shoulders and spine first, then my bare chest and abs.
She launches toward me. “What is that?” It’s hard not to smile when she inspects the faintest cut on my ribs.
“I think that’s called a scratch.”
“From what? Metal? Wood? You might have a splinter. Or need a tetanus shot.”
“I’m all up to date on my shots. You think it’s deep enough for a splinter?”
She peers harder. Her cheeks rosy. “Maybe not.”
I can’t stop looking at her. “You threw up because…?”
“You left abruptly that night, dude. I knew something was wrong on a much deeper level at that point. It didn’t feel good.” She crosses her arms, slouches backward, and I extend my handover the seat behind her head. Letting her decide if she wants to lean into me or not.
Knowing Harriet was sick because of me is very fucking painful. She sees my muscles flex and hears my breathing shorten.
She winces at herself. “I shouldn’t be telling you this.”
“Yeah, you should. I want to know what I missed and how I affected you because these are things I don’t want to repeat. I can’t let this happen again. I won’t.”
“You shouldn’t be worried about me at all though,” she says so quietly, rotating the choker necklace at her throat. “You need to get healthy, and maybe what’s best for you is if we aren’t together.”
I’m going to lose her.
I crash backward. My burning eyes rise to the roof of the car, then fall to her. “I don’t want to lose you. If I can do this with you, please let me try. Doing it without you sounds so much worse, Harriet, but I…” A ball forms in my throat. “I understand if you don’t want to be with me.”
“All Iwantis to be with you,” she expresses so deeply. “But I can’t be an obstacle for you.”
“You aren’t. Me caring about you isn’t a roadblock. It’s not a hurdle. You aren’t in my way. You are the hand that holds mine while I walk down a rocky path. And I’m asking you to walk it with me, and I know it’s a big ask?—”
