Page 25 of Escaped
I squeezed my eyes closed for a long moment, unable to square my actions with the moral woman I’d always considered myself to be.Could I still call myself a good person knowing I’d probably ended Hawkins’ life?Was there any coming back from what I’d done?
“If you’re right, then that makes me a killer.”
“Welcome to the club.”His tone was somber.“It’s not what I wanted for you, Erin, and I’m sorry you’ve had to join, but the moment Hawkins gate-crashed the cabin, there was only ever going to be one ending.Somebody had to stop him.I just didn’t expect that someone to be you.”
He made the entire thing sound so inevitable and dismal, but something about his choice of words jarred inside me.He’d mentioned my entry to a club, his vocabulary both disturbing and intriguing in equal measure.
Twisting toward him, I watched his responses carefully.His comment had been so flippant, as though killing men with guns was par for the course, but then I remembered, perhaps it had been for Eli?I didn’t truly know the man.His past was still a mystery, but he’d inferred there had been dangerous elements to his old profession.
Perhaps slaying men like Hawkins had been an everyday occurrence.Maybe the man I was falling head over heels for had actually been a killer long before Hawkins had bowled into the tiny cabin in the wilderness.
Apprehension stiffened in my chest at the suffocating thought.I’d had my suspicions about his prior employment when he’d held me in the wooden lodge, but nothing he’d done or we’d talked about then had prepared me for the cliff edge I teetered on.
How can I love a killer?My throat tightened, limiting my air supply.If he can take someone else’s life, he might hurt me, but then, I’m hardly blameless, am I?
Heart hammering, I considered the conundrum.He could have harmed me at any time, could have easily taken my life on more than one occasion in the woods, yet aside from the spankings he’d bestowed, he hadn’t lifted a finger to injure me.I recalled the accusations I’d leveled his way after the first spanking, my indignation at the perceived hurt, and his explanation that he’d never truly harm me.I’d believed him then, but had that been another foolish error on my part?
“What club, sir?”
My voice wavered as I plucked up the strength to ask him the query that refused to wane.If there was a guild I’d inadvertently joined, then I wanted to know about his experiences in it.
His attention darted to me for a moment before his gaze returned to the road, and in the delay, I heard his words in my head, already knowing what he would say.
When he finally spoke, his voice was even.“If Hawkins is dead, then we’re both killers now, little girl.”
Chapter Eleven
Domino Effect
Eli
“We’re both killers.”She repeated my words, disbelief resounding in her tone.“You’re a killer too?”
“Yes.”Surely, she knew that much, didn’t she?She’d seen me blow the brains out of one of Hawkins’ men.
She exhaled as though I’d punched her in the belly, and her face blanched as I glanced her way.
“I know this isn’t easy.”Squeezing her knee again, I withdrew my hand and returned it to the wheel.
The road was long, its winding confines widening as we raced from Hawkins’ bunker, but I still had more control over the car with both hands.
“Right.”Her shaky voice demonstrated the understatement of my point.
I knew from experience that there was nothing easy about taking another life.That was why I hadn’t wanted it for Erin.She’d deserved better, but she’d ended up with me and the foes from my fucked-up past.
“Can you tell me the truth?”The weight of her gaze speared me.
“About what?”I sensed where her question was leading—to the dark world I’d frequented before Hawkins had knocked me from the trajectory—but before I volunteered information, I wanted to be sure.
“About this so-called club I’m a part of.”Her hand balled at her side, expressing her no doubt torrid mixture of emotions.“Had you killed someone before Hawkins took us, sir?”
There it was—the one question I’d been dreading more than any other.The one that revealed more of who I really was than I was ready to show.As amazing as it had been getting to know my little girl, I’d known her curiosity would eventually lead us right to that moment.She was too smart to distract forever.
All those hours we’d been holed up in the cabin where I’d avoided her inquiries, the ones where deflection had led to delicious punishment and pleasure, but in the confines of Hawkins’ car, there was nowhere left to hide.
Erin had asked me a direct question, and I owed it to her to tell the truth.
“I told you once that I couldn’t be open about my old occupation.”My jaw tightened.
