Page 92 of Kiwi Sin
“Yes,” I said, “because my mum is. Was. And she’s …” I couldn’t go on. I’d got one of those waves of longing again. I wasn’t even sure why. My mum wouldn’t have understood any of this.
She’d have held me, though, and her arms were so gentle.
“Wait,” Aisha said. “Why haven’t you told me that? That’s kind of a big thing to leave out of your narrative.”
So, yes, we had something to talk about, as I sat in the garden away from Priya’s curious ears, knitting Gabriel’s indigo jumper that matched his eyes. Just not the most important things.
Maybe when school starts again,I thought,I’ll have more to tell, or I’ll feel able to tell.Gabriel had said, on Saturday night, “Let me get this job done, because otherwise … what if this blows up more, and my dad tells the others they have to quit? I can’t do that to Gray. Let me get it done, and then we’ll decide.”
That was going to have to do for now. Meanwhile, though …
I burned.
39
IMPORTANT RESEARCH
Oriana
The next day, it was Friday, and that left one more week before the house had to be finished. Saturday night was the deadline, and the next day, Frankie was due home.
Saturday, January thirty-first. It felt momentous. It felthuge,because after that …
After that, I started Year 12. After that, we’d see. I hadn’t seen Gabriel since that night in the caravan, other than to wave to him. He’d been working late every night, we both started work early in the morning, and there was no question of inviting him to dinner again, not right now. Not with Daisy so against us.
And I missed him somuch.
Meanwhile … well, meanwhile, I was on my lunch hour with Laila, just done eating my sandwich and cleaning the studio in preparation for this afternoon’s clients. Laila was playing one of her soothing music pieces over the speakers. This one was whale sounds, she’d said. It was a sort of hooting and moaning with a background rumble, mixed with some kind of bells. I wasn’t sure if it was soothing. We hadn’t had much music at Mount Zion, other than worship songs that I’d never liked much. A bit boring, I’d always thought, and not nearly as nice as birdsong. When I’d heard the loud music everybody seemed to play Outside, I’d thought that even more. Whales were an improvement on that, I guessed, though I still preferred birds.
Stop thinking about whales. Next Friday will be your last day on the job. You need toask.
Finally, after I’d finished the mopping and had begun to sanitize the furniture, I did it. I asked Laila, “Can I speak with you a minute?”
“Of course,” she said. Calmly, as always, like nothing ever rattled her. I wished I could be like that. “Cup of tea, maybe?”
“Oh,” I said, and finished my wiping. “Yes. I’ll get it, though. Would you like a biscuit?”
As I was waiting for the water to boil, I thought,You can always ask her something else. About … about other career opportunities, maybe.While I was waiting for the tea to steep, I thought,Except that you still have two years of school, and she knows it, so you’d be wasting her time.
How can I wait two years? I can’t. Why should we have to?
Finally, I was sitting with her, and she was drinking her tea and eating a biscuit.
Now. Ask her now.I said, “I’d like to hear about how you have sex.”
She choked, spilled tea all down her shirt, and sprayed biscuit crumbs everywhere, and I jumped up and stammered, “Oh, no. Let me help you clean up. I’m so sorry,” and thought,Why did I think I could ask this? I should’ve asked Daisy instead. Iknewit was private, and I still asked, and now she’ll probably sack me! How am I going to tell Daisy I got sacked?
I cleaned the studio all over again while Laila changed, and when she came back, I said, “I’m sorry. Please don’t sack me. I know sex isn’t appropriate to talk about with people, that it’s private, but I didn’t know who else to ask. My sister Daisy, of course, but she’s sosureabout everything, and …”
“And you thought I wouldn’t be,” she said. “So you mean, not howIhave sex, but ..”
“No!” Oh, no. How could I havesaidthis? “I mean … I thought youdidn’thave sex. Now. Because you’re a widow. Or … Lachlan … You went on two dates, I know, but … but even if you aren’t, you must have had it before, because of the girls, so …”
“I’m not sure how helpful I can be,” she said, putting me out of my stammering misery. “I was married, but I’m not an expert.”
“Oh,” I somehow managed to say, through my confusion. “I didn’t know you could be good or bad at it. Well, once you know how to do it, anyway.”
She sighed, or she came as close to sighing as Laila ever did, and said, “Let’s sit down.” I thought,Nowshe’ll sack me,but instead, she said, “You haven’t read any books, then. Or watched anything.”
