Page 80 of Look My Way
Thirty
Zavier
The weekend is over before we know it and we’re on our way back home. Liam’s been quiet since saying goodbye to his family and has his face turned toward his window with one hand is his lap and the other holding mine. After the fun we had yesterday in the pool, playing water polo and volleyball, I thought we were back to our good place. Evidently not.
Everything’s quiet enough for him to go back to his thoughts, and I wonder if he’s worrying about Daniel. I don’t want to keep asking him if he’s okay, since I feel like I’ve already gone overboard with the question in such a short amount of time, but the uneasiness in my sweet boy’s body doesn’t sit right with me.
“Should we pick up food before going to your house?”
“Sure,” he speaks quietly, sighing against the glass.
“What are you in the mood for?”
“Surprise me. I’m too tired to make any decisions.”
“Okay.” My hand squeezes his. I like taking the weight off him when he asks me. We all need someone to carry it for us sometimes, and some just need it a little more. He doesn’t need it because of his MS; it’s because of the submissiveness inside him. When others have a bad day, they take a hot shower and veg out on the sofa, but when Liam does, he needs to be in a simpler headspace to feel okay again.
He’s giving me the control to make choices for him all day, and that shows more strength than he realizes. Giving your trust to someone the way he is, means risking such a big part of yourself. I’m honored to be the one he feels safe enough to do it with.
His knee sways from side to side and he starts humming the song on the radio. I sing along with him, smiling at him, and he finally turns the way I’ve been waiting for him to. He finally looks my way.
“Hi, sweetheart.”
“Hi, Daddy,” he says with a louder voice.
“You getting restless over there?”
He looks at his legs and shrugs. “Maybe a little. I’m used to having the option to move around in between sitting for this long.”
“Need us to stop?”
“Not if we’re almost there. I can hold on for a bit longer.”
“We’ll be there in about fortyish minutes.”
“Yeah.” He shuffles. “I’ll wait.”
“Still good with us stopping for food?”
“Mhm,” he says sweetly, tugging gently on my hand.
Fuck, he’s so cute. I can’t wait to spend the night holding and kissing him. That’s if he invites me to. I don’t know if he’ll want to continue this after our long weekend. Is he second-guessing us in his head? I’m scared to ask because I’m not ready to know the answer. I don’t want to let him go yet. I’ll never want to.What if he asks me to? Will I be able to do the decent thing and let him decide the way I have with everything else?
I haven’t had him in my life for long, and I already don’t know how to go without him. He’s everything I didn’t realize I needed. What I didn’t think someone like me would ever be lucky enough to experience. I don’t know if he realizes that he calms a part of me the way I can tell I do for him.
The ugliness stirring in my head is mostly quiet when he’s around, and I think about the good he brings me, not who the next victim I’ll make scream and bleed will be. It could also be because I’ve already decided. Daniel’s face pops into my mind, and that familiarity about him shows up too. He doesn’t have to be alive for me to figure it out. In fact, I’m over sharing the same air with the asshole just as much as I’m over him causing so many issues for my carino.
“Looks like we’re both quiet and in our heads now.” He looks over at me, lips bunching together.
“Yeah, but that’s pretty typical for me during long drives.”
“Let’s play a game, then. Then we can both only think of what we’re doing together.”
“Which one?” I arch a brow.
“Hmm.” He rubs his chin between his fingers. “How about I spy.”
Smiling, I laugh a little. “Alright, you go first.”
