Page 42 of Run to Me
My dad was the same around other people. Strangers saw him as this family man who was in good standing with his community. He volunteered, donated to charities, and to everyone but me he was the perfect parent who wanted the best for his son. His selfish ways were hidden behind a big fake smile and all the right words.
I think I will stay for the rest of the week after all. It’ll give me more time to dig up more on this guy and see what Nate’s like when he’s gone. Will he be the old version of himself I’ve come to know, or will he be this other person who only looks like Nate?
Is he putting on an act too? Or is this what happiness looks like on him now that we’re older? I’m not sure if I’m relieved or saddened by how empty his eyes look when they’re on Glen. I don’t see the same love there I see in his fiancé’s. Does he feel like he needs to hide it all from me? Is this all for my benefit?
I expect his smiles to be more believable when we reach the bar and Glen is sliding a drink into his hand, but they’re as plastic as they were at the restaurant, never fully reaching his eyes. Glen just keeps kissing him and holding his hand without noticing. Without any kind of alarm. He’s either not paying enough attention or this is the only version of my brother he’s ever known.
If that’s the case, I’m both sad and sorry for him. For anyone who hasn't experienced all the sides I have. I’m also greedy and hoping I’m right. That he doesn’t know all there is to know about the wonderful man he keeps trying to pull into his lap while slurring sweet, sappy words. That he didn’t get the parts of himonly I had the pleasure of having. That he doesn’t get to have what’s only meant to be mine.
Except he isn’t mine anymore, and the ring on his finger is proof of that. Someone else holding and touching him is proof of that.
My heart plummets as the realization dawns on me. He really isn’t mine anymore. Seeing it is harder than hearing the words. It’s more real. More crushing. Each breath is more painful the longer I watch them. Maybe Nate isn’t smiling with him the way he did with me, and maybe he doesn’t get everything I did, but he gets him. He gets him whenever he wants and wherever he wants. They don’t have to shield their love from the public and feel shameful about it in front of others.
And I know it sounds stupid and irrational, but I can’t help but feel like Glen is doing it to rub it in my face. To prove some point. That I might have had the best of him but I have nothing now.
Finding it harder to breathe when Nate turns into Glen, laughing against his lips, I shove my way through a group of people and rush outside. As soon as the fresh, warm air hits my face, I close my eyes and breathe more of it in. Lifting my face toward the sky, I tug at my hair and bite back the scream threatening to escape my lips.
I have nothing. Absolutely nothing. All the success, money, peaceful life doesn’t matter if I don’t have him. None of it ever will. Is that the real reason I came here? So I could stop running from the truth? So I could stop trying to play make believe like he is tonight?
When I turn around, my pulse pounds loudly in my ears. Nate stands in front of me, chest rising and falling heavily. “After all this time, why come back now? After all this time of ignoring me and leaving me behind, why now?”
His words pierce my heart. “I . . . I wanted to make sure you were happy.”
“And then what?” His voice strains. “Then fucking what?”
“I . . . I don’t know.” I tug at my hair. “I don’t know.”
“You thought it would free you of your guilt? Make you feel better about being gone? To know that I found more happiness because of it? To see proof of me being better off? Well I didn’t and I’m not. Is that what you wanted to hear?” Tears spring to his eyes and he backs away when I try to reach for him.
“Why did you come back, Jace? Why?”
The back door opens and Glen appears, eyes lifting in our direction. “Oh, there you two are. Everything okay?”
Nate rubs his eyes and turns around, putting on that faulty smile again. “Yeah. Just got a little stuffy in there is all, and I think my allergies are acting up again.”
Glen moves closer to us with worry in his expression. “Let’s get you home then. I need to get some rest anyway. Your parents said they’re heading out too. You should go say bye to them.”
“Yeah. I’ll go do that.” He looks back at me. “You coming?”
“Yeah.” I follow him back into the club, Glen patting my shoulder as I pass him. My parents are already walking to the exit, my dad picking up his steps when he sees us.
“Y’all weren’t trying to sneak out without us, were you?” my dad says.
“Of course not,” Nate exclaims. “We just needed some fresh air.”
“Good, because we were hoping you liked us more than that,” my dad chimes, Mom chuckling beside him.
“Only a little bit more,” I chirp and everyone laughs, Nate’s smile dying too quickly. Seeing it briefly makes me need to see more—so much more. I’m entering dangerous territory and I know I’ll do anything for more of those smiles if I stay too long. And the short time it takes to hug him goodbye at Glen’s car after they drop me off is way too damn long.
Twenty
Nate
I thought I could do it—get through a car ride, dinner, and a few drinks with him. I thought I could make it through three days of him visiting, but then he wraps those familiar warm arms around me, brushing his lips against my ear, and I nearly lose all composure.
When he pulls away to walk to his car, it takes so much restraint not to follow him and pull his body into mine again. He smelled so damn good too. Exactly how I remembered. Fresh grass and jasmine. I wanted to bury my nose in him, drowning in the scent until I was unable to smell anything else ever again.
“Goodnight, little brother,” he says, with one side of his lips lifting. “Maybe I’ll see you at Mom Dad’s tomorrow for dinner.”
