Page 89 of His Stolen Duchess
“I sent him to get the blacksmith. If they had returned later or it had taken longer to mend the coach, I would not have made it in time. I was only able to protect you because of others. There were two dozen things that could have hampered me. I was only able to protect you because I was lucky.”
“No,” Georgina claimed. “How can you put it like that? You saved me, Lysander. Don’t you see that?”
“And what about next time?” he asked.
“Next time?” Georgina frowned and looked at her husband as if he had grown a third ear in the middle of his forehead. “It was all a case of bad luck and good luck, wasn’t it? There won’t be a next time.”
“We cannot foretell that,” he countered. “I didn’t expect there to be a first time, so how can we discount anything else? What if I can’t save you next time, just like?—”
Georgina stepped forward, shaking her head. “No, don’t say it.” She tried to lay a hand on his shoulder, but he backed away from her. “You can’t compare this to what happened to your brother. This is not the same thing at all.”
“I was lucky,” Lysander said. “I got to you just in time. I was able to save you through good fortune. If I had swum in a different direction when looking for my brother, I might have saved him, too. Is that what it comes down to? Good luck and bad luck?”
“No, of course not.” She tried to step closer to him again, but he backed off. “All that matters is that I am safe, and we are together again. That’s the most important thing, right?”
“My brother died, and you nearly died,” the Duke said. “It doesn’t matter what I do to try to save someone; it’s not down to that. It’s down to luck and fate.”
“I didn’t almost die,” Georgina claimed. “I’m fine. Once I became tired, I would have gone back to the shore, or maybe they would have come into the water for me before that. They wouldn’t have killed me, though. Maybe tied me up or threatened me, but they wouldn’t have hurt me. Everything is fine. Can’t you see that?”
“Can’t you see that everything isnotfine?” he snapped. “This arrangement was not meant to be anything other than just that: An arrangement. We were married for one reason only, and that was to have an heir. You might be with child already, but if not, I will ensure you are soon. Apart from that, we don’t need to see each other, do we?”
“What?” Georgina gasped. “How can you say that?”
“Did you really think this would turn into something?” the Duke asked. “You knew exactly what you were getting into, and you did so willingly. Are you so egotistical to think that you can change me? I have news for you, Duchess. I have been like this for two decades, and I’m content with who I am. I don’t need you to come into my life and change me. I have done just fine without you in my life. I won’t put you in a similar situation again.”
“You didn’t.” Georgina grimaced with the effort it took her to keep her ire under control. She needed to keep calm so she could convince him that things really were good, but he was making it so hard. “It was bad luck, that was all, but we can’t shut ourselves off because something bad might happen.”
I know you still carry the pain of your brother’s death, but don’t let that stop you from having a marriage.
“But youcanshut yourself off from the world. I’ve done just that for as long as I can remember, and it’s worked for me. We are not the same person, and we don’t see the world in the same way, Duchess. You and I have had vastly different lives. You can’t ever understand what I have been through.”
“No, not fully.” She reached out and took his arm, and for once, he didn’t shrug her off. “Still, I do understand some of it after you shared it with me. You can help me understand more. I know you have pain that you’ve carried around for a long time. That’s why you won’t let yourself get close to me, isn’t it? Because you are afraid of losing someone you love.”
“I’m afraid of very little, Duchess.” His blistering gaze landed on the hand that grasped his arm. Georgina could almost feel her skin scorch and removed her hand. “Do you really think you could walk into my life, and I would magically fall in love with you, and we would live happily ever after? That’s not how the world works, so don’t be so foolish.”
“I’m not asking for that.”I’m wishing for that.“We can carry on as we have been. I’m not asking you to change any more than you have; I’m only asking you not to change back to who you were. We have something together, Lysander.”
“No, we don’t,” he stated.
It felt like an arrow through her heart. She took half a step back, reaching out with her arms to grab onto something and finding nothing. She staggered and almost fell, but the Duke didn’t try to catch her. He stood watching her as she struggled.
Is that what you think about us? That we have nothing? How could I have been so naïve?
“I apologize,” she said calmly. “I can see that I’ve disturbed you when you have better things to think about. I should go.”
The Duke didn’t reply to her words. As she walked toward the door, she thought he would call out after her, but he remained cold and silent. The only sound she could hear was the echo of her own footsteps as she left the room alone. She held in her tears—she wouldn’t let him see her cry.
Maybe you don’t feel anything, but I do. I should have kept myself closed off from the world the way you have done. That would have made everything much easier.
Lysander lay awake in his bed. It was long past midnight, and the household was silent. He wondered if Georgina was asleep or if she lay awake in her bed like him. He knew he had hurt her. He had seen it written on her face as plain as day, but he had to do it to protect them both.
Every time he tried to close his eyes and find sleep, he saw his brother in the water, his arms desperately flailing before he went under. Then Georgina in the water, surrounded by masked men. He tried to think about anything else, but it was an impossibility.
It wasn’t just about losing her; it was about how that would destroy him. Twenty years after his brother had died, he was still a shell of a man. On the outside, he was a fighter, a good Duke, protective, even caring. Yet, inside, he was empty. All his feelings and emotions had drowned with his brother.
No, that’s not strictly true. She has dragged some of them back to the surface, and that has become a painful reminder of what might happen again.
He couldn’t let himself get any closer to Georgina. He hadn’t realized that until that morning at the lake. If he had been a moment later, his heart would have been ripped from his chest. He had grown too attached to her, too fond of her. He should have learned his lesson from his experience with his younger brother, but he had become too lax, too forgetful.
