Page 90 of His Stolen Duchess
She talks about being closed off as if it were a dreadful thing. That is the only thing that has helped me to survive all these years.
They had agreed to live separate lives when the time came, and that was the best thing to do. It would protect what they had. Their marriage was fragile. It was best if it was only brought out when needed or for special occasions.
Lysander placed a hand over his chest. His heart still beat with the agony of what had almost transpired. If he let himself fall for her, the pain would only be worse if she were taken away from him. He could not bear the risk. He would deal with Lady Eastbeck, then he would lock away his feelings, and the less he saw his wife, the better.
Lysander took a deep breath. In a way, he was thankful for what had taken place at the lake. He had been walking into a lake of his own feelings, unaware that there was a drop off. If he plunged into his emotions, they’d cling to him like silt. If he fell for her and lost her, he would not recover from it.
It’s better this way. It has to be better this way.
Chapter Thirty
“Your Grace!” Dottie called. “Please, you must come here!”
Georgina hadn’t noticed the maid in the room when she had wandered into it in a daze. She glanced over to the corner to see Dottie with her hand on her belly, the feather duster on the floor. Dottie had a large grin on her face, and it only made Georgina feel worse.
Yet, she knew how to fake her emotions after being at public events with Lysander. She put on her best smile and hoped that the smile was sufficiently reflected in her eyes.
“What is the matter?” Georgina asked. “Are you feeling unwell?”
“Oh, it’s the most wonderful thing,” Dottie replied. “Here, give me your hand.”
Georgina did as asked. Until recently, the Duke had commanded her, but with him now avoiding her as much as possible, she was listless. When Dottie asked for her, she found herself responding at once, eager to have some direction.
Dottie took Georgina’s hand and brought it to her growing belly. Dottie held her hand over the Duchess’s. At another time, Georgina might have found it humorous that she was a duchess with her hand on a maid’s belly, but there was nothing funny, pleasant, or happy about her situation.
Then, she felt it. The child in Dottie’s belly kicked. It was a strange sensation against her hand, and she knew it was supposed to be a joyous moment, even if she was unable to experience it. She did, however, smile when Dottie smiled and held eye contact with her.
She was learning to be more like the Duke; to close her heart to everything and everyone so she wouldn’t be hurt.
“Did you feel it?” Dottie asked.
Georgina held her smile, trying to make it look as natural as possible. “It’s wonderful. I am so happy for you, Dottie. I’m so blessed to experience this with you.”
“I was worried for the longest time,” Dottie admitted. “I know you’re not supposed to feel a child moving for the first little while, but I couldn’t help but worry that something was wrong. I don’t know how it affects the child not to have a father around. Do you think my baby knows its father doesn’t want it?”
“I believe that the child will have enough love to make up for any shortcomings in its life.”
“When I first felt him kick, I cried for the rest of the day.” Dottie wiped her eyes.
“Him?” Georgina asked.
“I don’t know why, but it feels like a boy. Maybe I’m wrong, but it’s just something inside telling me that.”
Georgina hugged her maid, knowing that if she unlocked her feelings, she would be delighted for her and craving some human interaction. If the Duke only gave her the cold shoulder, she wouldn’t mind. She could deal with cold shoulders if she were able to be near him, to experience his presence even a little. But it was far more than that. He lived his life as if she no longer existed.
“A mother always knows these things,” Georgina said.
“None of this would have been possible without you,” Dottie gushed. “I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t saved me. I don’t know where I would have gone.”
“I didn’t do anything.” Georgina sighed deeply. “It was pure luck that I was in the kitchen on the morning of my wedding and found you there, and only good fortune that I was able to do something to help you after you told me about your predicament. That’s all it was.”
Dottie looked at Georgina with a frown.
Georgina urged herself to take it back. She sounded exactly like the Duke, and she didn’t want to be like that. She thought about taking it back and explaining why she wanted to help and how much satisfaction it brought her to help Dottie, but it would only open her other emotions, and it was best not to.
Perhaps Lysander is right. If I live like this, there is no way for me to get hurt.
“Are you sure you are fine, Your Grace?” Dottie asked.
