Page 95 of Single Teddy
“We won’t let them. We can keep this on the downlow, can’t we? I mean, I don’t want to hide you, but I’m just thinking of Bear here.”
Wesley studied me for a second or two before he sighed.
“What’s another secret anyway?” he said. “Besides, you’re right. This is…fresh. It would be premature to say something.”
“Thank you. I know how hard that must be, but?—”
“It’s for Bear’s sake,” he added and squeezed my hand.
“He’s gone through such an upheaval all his life. I don’t want to upset him. I don’t want him to think I’m just like my sister.”
“What about your sister?” he asked.
I turned to look at Bear. I didn’t think I’d ever seen a bigger smile on his face. Even as Azrael helped him off the horse and the two dogs gathered around him to sniff him, he was undeterred.
“Where to next?” I heard Duke ask as soon as he landed back on solid ground.
“Doggies!” he exclaimed.
He didn’t even register me when he passed by with Azrael in tow.
Wesley was still watching me. Waiting.
“She wasn’t a saint,” I said.
“No one is,” he answered.
Duke stopped by and gave us the thumbs-up.
I smiled and mimicked him, and he followed his fiancé and my nephew to the dog kennels. We stayed at a distance, but we followed too.
“The truth is…she was an addict.”
“Oh. I’m so sorry, Teddy. Drugs are cruel.”
I shook my head.
“No. Not drugs. Not at first. She was addicted to men.”
Wesley narrowed his eyes in confusion.
“I…I don’t follow.”
“She had this physical fear of being alone. She hopped from man to man by cheating. Never by breaking up. Because she was afraid of spending any time between boyfriends.”
“That’s awful,” Wesley muttered.
“I thought maybe after she had Bear, she would realize she didn’t need to fear loneliness. That Bear would give her purpose. And he did. For a bit. But it didn’t last. It wasn’t long after his firstbirthday that she started dating again. Which is fine and all. But then, around the time he was three, she’d leave him alone just so she could go out on dates. Bear…he kinda raised himself in that sense. She’d put some chicken nuggets and fries in the microwave, tell him what to press, and that was it. She was off.
“I tried to help. To reason with her when I found out. But I was deployed most of the time. There wasn’t much I could do. My parents weren’t much help either. They didn’t condone my sister’s lifestyle or her child out of wedlock. So it wasn’t as if she could rely on them either.
“I…I should have done more. I should have been there for Bear more. Been there for Josie more. But you know what they say. Coulda, shoulda, woulda.”
My eyes stung, and I blinked the tears away.
“She was her own person, Teddy. She made her own choices. You can’t beat yourself up for someone else’s bad decision-making,” he said, grabbing my arm with his free hand.
“Still. She was my sister. I should have done more.”
