Page 96 of Single Teddy
“How much can you do when the other person refuses to see the problem? All you’d have done is alienate her, and then Bear would truly have no one.”
I looked into Wesley’s eyes, their green shining so bright it could have erased the guilt eating at me. But I turned away from him because I wasn’t ready for that yet. I didn’t want to let myself off the hook so easily.
“I keep telling people she died in a car crash, but the truth is she died of an overdose in a stranger’s bed. We still don’t know if he forced drugs on her or if she was a willing participant, but…I just…I keep thinking if I’d been there…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence.
The tears just exploded out of me like a bomb, leaving me vulnerable and raw.
“If you had been there, it would all have turned out the same. Maybe you’d have stopped her this time. Maybe you’d have stopped her the next. But if she was determined to live her life the way she was, there’s nothing you could have done to stop it. She’d have ended up in the same situation. Maybe not involving drugs. Maybe it would be something else. Another dangerous situation. I know it’s tough to hear or to admit, but we’re all in charge of our own destinies. Other people can help. They can lift us up or they can prevent us temporarily, but ultimately, what we do with what we’re given is ours and ours alone. If you’re going to blame yourself, you might as well blame your parents, the system, education, or the lack of mental health help. But you don’t. You blame yourself. Why?”
Wesley’s arms wrapped around me, and he touched his forehead to mine, searching my eyes, but my eyesight was too blurry to see him. I could just feel him there, and that was enough.
“Because I was her big brother. It was my job to protect her.”
“Oh, sweetheart.” He cooed. “I know you’re used to kicking evil people’s butts and saving the day, but the truth is that you can’t save people from themselves. Not unless they want to be saved. You’re here for Bear now. Isn’t that enough? I’m sure she appreciates that more than anything else you could have done when she was alive.”
I couldn’t believe I was crying in front of Wesley. I couldn’t believe I’d told him all that and he was still his kind, loving selfinstead of being judgmental. But that was Wesley. Kind, caring, accepting.
He raised a hand to my face and wiped the tears away from one side of my face, then did the same with the other side, and I closed my eyes, if only so I could enjoy the mere contact between us and how warm he made me feel all over.
When my vision had cleared enough to look into his eyes properly, he smiled.
“Feel better? I always feel better after a good cry.”
I chuckled and pulled away enough to wipe my face with the back of my arm.
“How is Bear doing? Is the therapist helping? I know it’s early days, but?—”
I nodded and took a deep breath. Another reason why I needed to get my ass in gear now that Bear had started therapy and my outgoings had increased dramatically for the foreseeable future.
“So far so good. Second session is next week.”
“That’s great.” Wesley patted my chest gently and his smile grew bigger. “That really is—” He paused and stared at my chest. “What is it with you and these cute-ass sleeveless sweaters?”
I laughed again.
“Well, I found them in the box from the previous tenant one day when I’d run out of clean clothes. And they kinda fit?—”
“They don’t,” he chuckled.
“But I also feel good wearing them. I get so many compliments.”
“You do? From whom? I need names.”
I couldn’t help but burst out laughing.
“What are you going to do to them?” I asked.
“I might start with a good slap,” he said.
“Well, I’d love to see that. Are you ready for the first name?”
Wesley pulled away from our embrace and put both his fists up in front of his face.
“Give it to me.”
“Well, the first one is this handsome man by the name of…Wesley.”
“Oh,” he said and dropped his hands. “You’re wearing them because I like them?”
