Page 67 of Mother Parker
So I told her. I told her about our parents, Becca, and the debts.
“Parker! Why—”
“Why didn’t I tell you they died? I know. I—”
“I don’t care that they died. Why didn’t you share your load? Why have you been carrying all that burden on your back? You could have told me. I would have kept it from Cam. But you could have told me.”
“I’m the big brother, Autumn. I’m supposed to protect you from all that.”
“And who’s supposed to protect you?”
I shrugged and looked away.
“No one. I’ve got no one.”
A pinch on my arm made me turn back to her.
“You’re an asshole. You’ve got me. You’ve got Cam. You’ve got so many people that care about you.”
“It’s not the same.”
She stared at me for a second, and then she nodded.
“Okay. I get it. I do. But you can’t let one bad experience get you down. You’re still young. You’ve got your whole life ahead of you—”
“I’m thirty-three.”
“That’snotold! You can still meet the love of your life. You can still build a life to be proud of. It’s not the end of the world. You’re not the first or the last person to have to start from scratch.”
Her hand rubbed my back, and it felt good there. But it still wasn’t enough, not after what I’d done.
“What brought this on? Why did I have Hwan calling me in a panic, asking me to call you? What happened?”
He had what?
It got hard to breathe again. The world around me got hazy. And my stomach clenched as if bracing me for my death.
“Parker? Are you okay?”
“I…I ruin everything.”
“What?”
“I ruin…everything.”
“Why? What did you do?”
Her hand was wound around my wrist now, her other one trying to get me to look at her, but I couldn’t, not after what I’d done.
“Parker!”
“I…I kissed him. I kissed Hwan.”
Saying the words aloud seemed to untie a knot over me, and I slumped back on the bench, feeling empty and alone.
“Oh.”
“Yup,” I said.
