Page 42 of Mother Parker
“Whoa, whoa, big guy. Are you going to beat me in my own house?” Maddox asked, turning the light on.
“Your house?” I said instead of apologizing.
Why was I so irritating?
“Couldn’t sleep, Officer Grumpypants?”
No.I’ve lost my mind and I’m having gay fantasies.
But I couldn’t tell him that, could I?
“Yeah,” I said and opened the fridge, unsure what I was looking for.
“I’ve got some Ambien if you want,” he said.
I closed the fridge and stared at my ex-teammate.
“And what would Ash think if he finds out you’re sharing your toys?”
Maddox crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow.
“Well, fuck you too. I was just trying to help,” he said.
He turned and started to climb the stairs, and I felt like the ass everyone thought I was.
“I’m-I’m sorry. I was kidding,” I said.
I couldn’t believe people I’d spent so much time with still didn’t know when I was kidding and when I was serious. Was I so fucked up that even my own people couldn’t read me?
“It’s in the upstairs bathroom if you change your mind,” he said and started to go up.
“What…?” I started but changed my mind.
But it stopped Maddox in his tracks, and he turned, standing on the landing, watching me.
“What were you going to say?”
“It’s nothing. Never mi—” I started and opened the cabinet to get a glass for water.
I was pretty sure if Hwan was here, he’d tell me—no, make me—a cup of tea to help me to sleep.
“You know you can talk to me, right? I won’t judge or…anything. We’ve all been through the same kind of hell and come out the other side,” he said, and even though I had my back to him, I could feel the heat of his gaze on me.
I put the glass down and looked out the window, but Maddox’s reflection was there, so I focused on it instead.
“What made you realize Ash was…? I was always under the impression you were straight,” I said, already regretting opening my mouth.
Maddox walked up to the island and sat down.
“I honestly don’t know. It was like one day I was the same person I’d known all my life, and then the next, I had these…feelings. It’s hard to explain. I guess you could say Ash putting on a gay audiobook to listen to was, like, the moment something clicked in my head. All of a sudden, I could almost see the potential. Like a door had opened that had always been locked. And suddenly, I knew I loved him as more than just a friend.
“Maybe those feelings had always been there, and I didn’t recognize them, or maybe…I don’t know. Maybe I’m broken, so nothing makes sense, but either way, I’m not complaining. I just wish…”
He dipped his head, and I turned to face him.
“Wish what?”
He took a deep breath and shrugged before he looked back at me.
