Page 84 of Poetry By Dead Men
I bang on the door, hard enough to make sure he’ll hear it in the back.
"I know you’re in there, Bobby Beckett!" I shout, my open hand turning into a closed fist as I pound on the door. "I’m not leaving until you talk to me."
Through the windows, a light flicks on.He’s coming,I think, lowering my hand and wiping the tears from my eyes. I straighten my shoulders as the doors swing in, and I open my mouth to demand Bobby tell me what’s going on, except it’s not Bobby standing in front of me.
It’s Kelsey Darling.
My heart stops, and my knees go weak.
This can't be happening.
She's wearing one of Bobby’s shirts for his upcoming tour, the hem hanging around her bare legs to mid-thigh, and her hair is messy in a way that makes me want to violently throw up. Kelsey smirks at me, her eyes dragging from my sweatpants and wrinkled shirt to my tear-stained cheeks.
"Can I help you?" she asks, leaning against the door frame and crossing her arms as if barring me entry.
"Where’s Bobby?" I ask, my voice coming out far stronger than I'm feeling. "Go get him." I have no interest in talking to this woman.
None.
If Bobby’s cheating on me, I want to hear it from his traitorous mouth.
"He’s a little busy at the moment. But I’ll let him know you dropped by." She winks at me, then starts to turn around.
A sob bursts from my throat—a humiliating, horrible noise that I’m sure Kelsey Darling would never make even in her lowest moments, but it feels as if my soul has been ripped from my body.
As if everything I’ve ever known has been a complete lie.
My body wants to collapse. To stop functioning entirely. But I force breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth.
The pain in my chest is so sharp now, I wonder if my heart turned to glass when it shattered—if there’s somehow shards coursing through my veins that will kill me with a thousand tiny cuts.
How could Bobby do this to me? He said it was a break. Just for now.
So what was it? Had he just wanted to have some time to fuck around? To get Kelsey out of his system without a guilty conscience until he was ready to come back to me?
I would do anything—or,would havedone anything—for Bobby. But not this. I won't wait for him, pining away and ready to take him back once he's ready to settle down while he lives a rockstar life.
"Give him a message for me," I say, choking on my own voice. "Tell him to never, ever contact me again. Tell him we’re done."
"Got it," Kelsey says, as if I told her to tell him it's going to rain tomorrow.
Before she can say anything else, I turn and leave. I don’t know what exactly happened with Kelsey on that bus tonight, and I don’t want to. I think her being there in his shirt pretty much says everything, and I don’t need to know the details.
What I do know, with absolute certainty, is that I will never, ever forgive Bobby for his betrayal.
NOW
September 2024: Blacksburg, VA
It’s only just September
But the cold is seeping in
And I know that you don’t want me now
But do you think you could again?
—An excerpt from "When Winter Comes," written and performed by Robert Beckett
