Page 59 of Starting Over in Starshine Cove
“I do.”
I switch off my phone, and let her words sink in. I know, of course, that she is right. I should, of all people, understand that life is a gamble. The last day Simon was alive was totally normal. I’d reminded him to put the bins out, and I’d gone to work as normal, and I’d planned to cook us a nice lasagne to eat for tea while we binged onLine of Duty. It was a mundane day full of what I now see as absolutely blessed boring domestic detail. He wasn’t sick. He wasn’t a thrill seeker. He wasn’t an extreme sports addict. He was a normal man who simply gave his pregnant sister a lift to the hospital.
The accident came from nowhere, and our entire family’s life was never the same again. There was no warning. No time to prepare or say goodbye – there was just the before, and the after. Would it have changed how I felt about Simon, if I’d known that when I met him? If I’d known that our time together would be so limited, would it have stopped me from falling in love with him? From marrying him?
I don’t think it would. We might not have had the forever that we wanted, but we had enough time together for me to know that it was special. That not many people are so lucky as to meet their soulmate. And now I might have met another – the question is, am I brave enough to take the chance?
EIGHTEEN
By the time I get back to the house, I’ve been out for well over an hour. I needed that time and space to try and bend my mind around things, as well as to give Bear a good run around.
I let myself in, and find that Zack is up, showered and dressed. He looks ten times better than he did yesterday, with some of his old energy back. Bear ambles over to him and thumps his tail.
“Has he been fed?” he asks.
“He has. He’s trying to con you.”
“Not for the first time. And you… have you been fed?”
“Yes. I ate an apricot pastry that I got myself from the bakery. Then I ate an apricot pastry that I got for you from the bakery as well. Soz.”
He laughs, and walks over to me. He reaches out and puts his hands on my waist, pulling me so close to him our bodies collide. He keeps me there, and I can’t say it’s an unpleasant feeling.
“You look good in my T-shirt,” he says, running a hand up my back so slowly it makes me shiver. His fingers twine themselves into my hair, and he gently turns my face upwards to look at him. My heart starts to go crazy at the contact, and at the look in his eyes. When he finally leans down to kiss me, I’m alreadydesperate to feel his lips on mine. I fling my arms up and around his neck, pulling him closer and letting the moment claim me. He edges me backwards until my back is against the wall, and I am deliciously trapped against him. Wow. This man can really kiss, and in my experience, men who can really kiss can usually do everything else really well, too.
When we come up for air, I feel almost lightheaded, and cling on to him for balance. He grins down at me, his eyes twinkling and his smile almost smug when he sees my reaction. He knows he’s just unravelled me, and he’s enjoying it.
“You seem to be feeling better,” I say, letting my hands settle on his shoulders.
“I do, don’t I? And a lot of the time I’m fine. Yesterday was especially tough, right up until the moment I found a mad former celebrity chef sitting on my front doorstep.”
“Yeah. Well, that would cheer most people up, to be fair. Can we talk, do you think? Without you touching me?”
“I thought you liked me touching you!”
“I do. A bit too much. I can’t think clearly when you’re touching me.”
He nods, and we both take chairs around the dining table. Bear realises it’s a no-go on the second breakfast front, and slumps at his master’s feet.
“So,” he says, sipping a glass of orange juice, “how are you feeling about everything this morning? I know that was a lot to take in. I know this isn’t ideal. And I wouldn’t blame you at all if you left – I’d completely understand it.”
“I do plan on leaving, Zack. Maybe not immediately, but sometime very soon.”
He nods, and I see the effort it is taking for him to keep his face in neutral, the way his hand trembles slightly as he puts his glass down. He presses his lips together as though he’s trying to stop himself from talking, and he closes his eyes for a second ashe digests what I’ve said. He’s hurt and disappointed and trying to hide it.
“I understand. Thank you for everything.”
“Hang on, pal – I haven’t finished!”
“Oh. To use one of your words, soz.”
“As you should be. Look, Zack, we’re both too old to play games, aren’t we? So let’s not. How do you feel about me? Straight-up honest answer please!”
He looks taken aback for a moment, but then replies, with heart-warming conviction: “The way I feel about you is the only simple thing about all of this. I love you, Connie.”
I feel a little spike in my pulse, and give myself a second to enjoy the absolute thrill of hearing those words. Words that I haven’t heard for so long, other than from the lips of my children and my extended family. Words that certainly haven’t been accompanied by one of those spectacular kisses.
“Well, that’s handy, because I feel exactly the same. I love you, even though I’m still surprised by that. And I want to be with you.”
