Page 55 of Starting Over in Starshine Cove
I’ve probably been waiting for almost thirty minutes when Zack’s fancy grey Audi rolls slowly into the driveway, its wheels crunching on the gravel. I put my phone away and sit upright, suddenly feeling swamped with nerves now that he is actually here. It all seemed like a good idea until it was really happening, and I wonder if it’s too late to sneak away without him noticing.
For a minute it looks like that might be a feasible option, because he is incredibly distracted. He stays seated behind the wheel for a few moments, staring into the distance with eyes that don’t seem to be seeing anything, certainly not me. His hair is ruffled in the way it gets when he’s been running his hands through it, and his usually golden skin tone is a shade more pallid. I know I’ve been angry with Zack, but my very first thought when I see him is: what’s wrong?
I stand up, and as he climbs out of the car he freezes dead on the spot and stares at me. His green eyes go wide in surprise, and he does a double take, as though he can’t believe what he’s seeing. I don’t suppose I can blame him for that.
“Connie?” he says quietly, shaking his head in confusion.
“In the flesh!” I reply, walking towards him. When I get closer I see that he looks tired, with dark circles beneath his eyes. I reach up, and stroke his face, keeping my hand on his cheekbone. He leans into my palm and sighs out loud, as though he’s exhausted and ready for bed.
“Are you okay?” I ask gently. “Because you don’t seem okay.”
“I’m… getting there. This hallucination is certainly helping.”
“Well, this hallucination is desperate for a pee – any chance of popping in to use the facilities?”
“I know the feeling – you take the upstairs, I’ll take the downstairs! God, this is terrible, isn’t it? This never happens in romantic movies, two geriatrics racing to the loo!”
He manages a smile as he opens the front door, and Bear comes hurtling to greet us. Zack gives him a quick pet and heads down the hallway, and I gallop up the stairs.
A few minutes later, we reconvene in the kitchen, where I find Zack putting the kettle on. He leans against the counter, and swipes his fingers across his eyes as though he’s wiping sleep from them.
“I’m sorry,” he says simply, meeting my gaze.
“Elaborate on that, please.”
“I’m sorry I ran away like that. I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye. I’m sorry I didn’t explain. I acted like a coward, and I’ve hated myself for it ever since. I’ve been on the verge of calling you ever since, but I’ve been too much of a wimp. You deserve better, on every level. In my defence I did try and call you back last night, on your landline number, but nobody answered.”
I’m surprised at that, and wish I’d known – maybe I wouldn’t have had such an awful night. But maybe I wouldn’t have turned up like this either, and I think that needed to be done. It is also, as we both know, a bit of a cop-out.
“It was the café number, that’s why. You could have tried my mobile, couldn’t you? Or emailed me, or sent a text? There areso many ways to get in touch with someone these days, and you didn’t desperately try any of them…”
He shrugs and looks sad. “This is true. I suppose I was being a coward again, and I know you deserve an explanation.”
“You’re absolutely right, I do, that’s why I’m here. I intended to give you a piece of my mind about the way you behaved, and now you’ve gone and taken the wind out of my sails by bloody apologising straight away!”
“Well, I apologise for that as well, then. Look… it’s complicated. It’s messy.” He sighs and runs his hands through his hair in that way I’m now so familiar with. “I’m giving you the opportunity right now to walk out of the door, go back home, and never think about me again. You have your apology, and if that’s enough, you’d probably be better off leaving.”
I take two mugs from a stand, and start to make us both a coffee. He seems too exhausted to do it himself.
“Well, thank you for the offer, Zack, but now I’ve had my apology, I find that I want more. Like an explanation.”
He nods, and gestures towards the garden.
“Shall we sit out? It’s warm enough.”
We head back to the table and chairs outside, and Bear gallivants behind us. He runs straight to a stone planter and cocks his leg against it. Looks like we weren’t the only ones who needed the loo.
Once we’re settled, Zack goes quiet again. The sun is glinting against the silver in his hair, and despite the fact that he’s obviously not firing on all cylinders, I can’t help but notice the way he fills out his navy blue sweater. He really is appallingly handsome – how am I supposed to stay annoyed with someone who makes me tingle like this?
When he shows no sign of speaking, I put my mug down and say: “You’re clearly not feeling good, Zack – is there anythingI can do to help? Can I get you anything? Do you want to talk about whatever it is that’s affecting you?”
He shakes his head, and gives me a sweet smile that melts my heart. It’s full on eye-contact, no shying away, intense and deeply personal. The kind of smile that somehow makes me feel like we are the only two people left in the entire world.
“I don’t want to talk about it, no – but I know I should, and you’re pretty much the only person I want to talk to anyway. A few months ago, I was diagnosed with something called chronic kidney disease, which pretty much does what it says on the tin. They grade it in stages, from one to five. One is minor, five is… well, let’s just say there isn’t a six. By the time I found out, I was a three.”
The words immediately bury themselves in my brain and start to burrow around in there. Chronic kidney disease. I’m not precisely aware of what it is, but that combination cannot possibly be good. I feel my nostrils flare a little, but I hope that is the only sign of stress that I show. This is not the time to over-react. This is the time to listen.
“Okay. So, what does it mean, then? Longer term?”
