Page 72 of A Very Irish Christmas
‘Right. Well, I’m sure you have your reasons, Cassie. Is it… is it the mess? The mess of my life? Has that put you off?’
‘No! No, please don’t think that, Charles – I love your mess! I love every last scrap of it! You’re wonderful, and I’m probably an idiot, but… well, as a wise woman once told me, I have to follow my heart, even though it might lead me into trouble.’
He stares at me for a moment, then says: ‘Ah. And would your heart happen to lead you to Ireland, Cassie?’
I nod, and bite my lip. I hope that I’ve not hurt his pride, made him feel second-best to Ryan once again. The two of them have figured out their differences, but for a long time, he saw Ryan as a rival. This time, though, it’s actually true, and I can’t bear the thought of being the source of any more conflict between them.
‘I see,’ he says calmly. ‘Well, I have to admit defeat then. I’ve been beaten by a?—’
‘Don’t say better man! He’s not a better man, Charles – he’s not, at all. You’re an amazing man.’
‘True, I am. Okay then – he’s not a better man. But he is a good man. Go, Cassie, if you need to – with my blessing.’
I hug him once more, not quite able to stop myself from inhaling that gorgeous cologne of his.
‘Are you sure, though?’ he asks, grinning as I run away up the stairs. ‘I swear to God you were just sniffing me then…’
Within a few minutes I have packed up my stuff, and headed off into the rain. Eejit is collected from the kitchen, and together we slink off into the dull day. I will message the others later to say goodbye – I just couldn’t face them right now. My head is too messed up. I need to be alone for a while, and decide what I’m going to do.
The walk helps – yet another thing Nanna Nora was right about – and by the time I arrive back in Campton St George I am soaked but feeling a little calmer. I amble through the almost-deserted village, the pub and the tea rooms closed, lights off in most of the homes. I intend to simply get back to Whimsy, maybe have a long bath, and think things over.
Eejit, though, has other ideas – and he heads straight down the side of the bakery, barking outside Eileen’s door.
‘All right, all right, what’s with the racket?’ she says, opening the door to let him in. ‘Smell the bacon, can you?’
She stares at me lurking behind him, and shakes her head, grey curls bobbing.
‘Don’t just stand there, Cassie – I’m letting all the heat out!’
She shoos me inside with a dishtowel, and I head straight for the fire. It strikes me, as I sit there warming my hands and drying off, that this is exactly the position I was in the first night I got here, almost a whole month ago now. Taking refuge in Eileen’s cosy living room, surrounded by her knitting and her paperbacks and her knickknacks.
There’s also a small suitcase, and I remember that she is flying to Dublin today.
‘I’m sorry, you’re busy,’ I say, making to stand and leave.
‘Never too busy for you, my love. Now, what’s the craic? I thought you were off away to the big house?’
‘I was, yes,’ I say, falling back into the chair. ‘But I… well, Eileen, I had little bit of a revelation, and I guess you’re as good a person as any to talk to about it.’
‘Stop with the fancy compliments now!’
‘Sorry – you’re actually the perfect person to talk to about it. It’s Ryan.’
‘Ah, I see. Ryan. What’s he gone and done now?’
‘He kissed me, or I kissed him, I’m not so sure. We kissed, anyway. And then he told me he’d broken one of his rules, andleft. I’ve been thinking about it ever since, what he might have meant. Do you think he meant the rule about women who live in the village?’
She throws the dish towel at me, and it flutters against my face and drops to the floor.
‘Jesus, you young people – you’re not half slow! Of course he didn’t mean that – I’d call you an eejit, but it’d be an insult to that perfectly clever dog. You and Ryan have something, and it’s more than his normal nonsense. And looking at you right now, it’s clear as the nose on my face that you’ve fallen for him.’
‘But—‘
‘There are no buts, Cassie. You might be able to fool yourself but you can’t fool me – I’ve seen it coming. So, the only question now is, what are you going to do about it?’
‘I don’t know – get therapy? Go home? Change my identity?’
‘Sure, all of those are options – but how’s about this? Why don’t you just tell him how you feel?’
