Page 69 of Unrequited
And yeah, I know he was in jail and that it was impossible for him to reach out. I get it. It makes sense. It was too risky. But knowing that doesn’t erase the ache. It doesn’t soften the sharp edge of being left behind.
I can’t help but feel like he abandoned me when I needed him most. After everything I’d survived… he vanished. Just disappeared. My heart hasn’t caught up. The impressions heleft behind, they’ve been wearing on me for a while now. And now he’s sitting here, giving me this speech about being the head of the house and his rules and the way it’s going to be. It’s not exactly strange, not completely out of the ordinary, and it’s not unacceptable.
But still. It stings.
He finally meets my gaze, and I turn my face, shielding my chest with my arm like I’m trying to keep something vital from spilling out.
“Do you think giving me everything I want will make me fall for you? Make me melt?” I ask in a sharp whisper.
“I’m not just going to Ireland. I’m being taken there. After all this time. After everything.” I exhale hard. “And I did it because… because you say I’m yours.”
I pause, searching for the words. “You say that, and yet…” I shake my head, pulling back into myself like I’m retreating into a bunker.
We are on a plane that is taking us back to Ireland.
And a whole new life.
What about the holidays? What about seeing them again? My birthday?
I swipe angrily at the tears gathering in my eyes, hating how they betray me.
“You can’t hold onto your feelings like this and not tell me anything,” he says, gentle but firm. “I can’t help if I don’t know.”
And I don’t want him to know. Not really. Not all of it. So I stay stubborn, resolute. Like if I pretend hard enough, he won’t see through me. But he does.
“It had to be this way,” he says, quiet again.
“You’re The Undertaker, Seamus,” I whisper, barely audible.
His brows pinch together. “Why is that a problem?”
“Don’t you know what you’ve done?” I look away. “Do I even really want to know?”
I’ve heard the rumors. I’ve seen shadows of the truth. I’ve witnessed things with my own eyes, my own hands.
But do I really know what my brothers have done?
That’s different, I reason stubbornly. That’s my family. I never had control over them.
But this? Did I ever have control over this?
“We’ve got a long flight ahead of us, love,” he says gently. “What can I get you to eat?”
“I’m not hungry anymore,” I say, and even I hear the petulance in my tone.
“You need to eat something, darling,” he says softly, almost like he’s speaking to a wounded thing. And it guts me. How can this man be the same one wrapped up in all those rumors?
“What else are you hiding, Seamus?” I ask, almost pleading. “Tell me the truth. Please. Now that we’re married.” My voice catches on the word. “Now that we’re married, I want to know everything.”
“Aye,” he says. “Now that we are, there’s nothing I’ll keep from you. Not a single thing, lass. Do you understand?”
“What, nothing?” I ask, a little shaken. There are things even Rafail wouldn’t tell me.
“Nothing,” he repeats. “Ask me anything.”
“All right… You told me you have four brothers and sisters. Is that true?”
“Aye,” he answers without hesitation.
