Page 45 of When She Loved Me
“I—I would like tohavea baby,” she answered carefully, breathlessly, insinuating that themakingof the baby was certainly not at the top of her wish list. “When—ahem—when would we...when would you want to start?”
Trevor leaned closer. “Now,” he said against her lips.
“Now is not very good for me,” she whimpered frantically.Oh, God! I am not strong enough for this. He has barely touched me, and I am melting. God help me.
He persisted, despite her small hands come between them to push him away. “If you are nervous now, Nicki, think of the wreck you should make of yourself after another day or so, with time to dwell upon it. Just let this happen.”
Tears glistened in the darkness of her eyes. “I am afraid.” For so many reasons.
Gently, Trevor laid her back upon the pillows, bending over her. “There is nothing to fear. The other day, in the library, I was reminded that you seem to enjoy my kissing.”
And that was exactly what she was afraid of.
“However,” he whispered as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to her exposed collarbone, “just say the word, and I will stop now.”
Nicole clamped her lips together, thus preventing prudency and self-preservation to speak. His lips pressed more firmly, then breathed across her throat and neck, climbing to find her mouth.
A baby. A child of her own. Forcibly, she chanted this repeatedly in her head. That was the purpose, and the reason, and the goal. She needed to focus only on that.
But then Trevor was stretching out alongside her, his body touching her hip and thigh and toes, and Nicole could not stop the whimper that escaped.
He returned to her lips, collecting that sound, and kissed her as he had so often in her dreams, but too rarely in her life. Tentatively, she touched a hand to his shoulder, pressing her fingers into the flexed muscles as he held himself poised over her. His tongue teased her lips, until her sigh opened them, and shejoined her own with his. Trevor covered her mouth fully, slanting above her while one hand traced a tantalizing line from under her arm, down the side of her night rail and over her hip. The hand disappeared, sliding between her and the bed, cupping her bottom to bring her closer to him.
He paused the kiss, asked against her lips, “I want to glory in every inch of you, but I feel I should ask if you’d prefer the candle snuffed.”
I want to glory in every inch of you, did not seem to her to relate to their purpose here, procreating. These words sounded so much less necessary, so...amorous.
She didn’t know how to answer him, though. As she felt she was on the verge of tears—though for the life of her could not say that they would be cries of sorrow—she imagined she might like the room darkened. But as her hands skimmed over his shoulders and arms, she knew she wanted to see him, so much of him.
But for the threatening tears. “Dark, please.” Her voice sounded husky, shaky.
Trevor did not release her, nor move too far away, only extended one arm across her, his thumb and forefinger pinching out the bedside candle. When his face was close again, his lips tickled against hers. “We’ll use our hands to see.”
Nicole’s skin prickled with excitement at the very idea.
And so he did, sidling against her once more, cupping her face in his palms, pressing his lips to her tenderly, almost unmoving, inviting—daring—her to forward their union. Nicole could not resist, indeed lifted her head off the pillow and met his kiss. She wrapped her arms more tightly around him, threading her fingers into his soft and thick hair and showed him everythinghe had taught her about kissing. Opening her mouth, she thrust her tongue at him, heard him groan as he responded and fitted himself more intimately against her, pressing a hardness into her hip. She kissed him with a calmness that belied all the screaming inside that warned she should not, that she should instead push him away, away from her arms and her bed and her heart.
She couldn’t say exactly when the mantra inside her head, reminding her of the reasons behind her submission, shifted froma child of her owntoTrevor is loving me. Truth be told, she could also claim no surprise for the change. But soon, she knew that aside from the delicious things his kiss was doing to her body, the joy that welled within was associated, right quickly, more to the latter rather than the former.
She felt her night rail being pushed away from her shoulders, felt his lips touch the skin he exposed. This gave Nicole only a moment’s pause, until the exhilarating sensation of his wet mouth on her bare flesh overtook everything else. She let her head fall back and closed her eyes once again, reveling in the feel of him, and the delightful sensations his touch evoked.
While he continued to trail kisses along her shoulder and collarbone, his hand rose up between them and cupped her breast. His hand was large and firm upon her, cupping and lifting, her breast filling it. His thumb grazed over her nipple and Nicole marveled at the wonder of this, so much uproar in those previously unused, unknown parts of her body.
She moaned in his arms, never having felt such glorious passion as this, having not suspected that it lived in her. When he lowered himself and his teeth tugged at her nipple through the fabric of her shift, Nicole died a little death. Her breathing spasmed, a sound escaped, sounding to her ears much like a purr.
“Enough of this,” he growled suddenly, his voice rough and breathless as he stood from the bed.
Nicole gasped, tortured by the removal of his warmth and heat, and his intent, until he pulled her to her feet in the darkness, and offered instant relief when it seemed his only purpose now was to remove their clothing. Neither too rushed nor with aching slowness, Trevor lifted her night rail up and over her head, tossing it away onto the unseen floor.
She stood naked then before him and was thankful now for the lack of light. The sparse moonlight, drifting lazily in from the tall windows at the other side of the room, showed only their shapes, and just a hint of silver to color to their persons. When he didn’t touch her immediately but let his gaze rake over her in such a way as to suggest his night vision might be much stronger than her own, Nicole shifted her weight from one leg to the other.
And then Trevor lifted her hand and touched it to his chest, then directed it downward, specifically putting it on to the hem of his white muslin shirt. Of her own accord, Nicole applied her other hand as well and took up the hem at the opposite side. Taking one step closer she raised the hem and the shirt up just as Trevor lifted his arms. Her fingers grazed the underside of his arms as she pushed the muslin up and away until Trevor took hold of it and discarded this in the same careless manner as he had her nightgown. He faced her, and because she really could not see well enough, Nicole closed her eyes as she set one hand high on his chest. He stiffened beneath her, his pectoral muscles shifting with a tantalizing motion. He was hard and smooth. A carnal curiosity bade her touch him with both hands, skimmingthem over his bare skin, in a harmonized motion, out and away, over his shoulders, at the same time.
“Jesus,” he breathed hoarsely and attacked her again, crushing her to him, shattering her brief composure with the feel of her naked breasts so magnificently pressed to his chest. He wrapped a hand around her neck, held her firmly, close to him while his mouth devoured her, and he ground his hips against her. Nicole gasped into his kiss, overcome and enlivened at the same time, understanding what the hardness he pushed against her represented, and aware of her tremulous response, gathering between her legs. Their passion ignited further boldness in her that her hands found the top of his breeches, held still at his hips. She had bare knowledge of men’s clothing, save for what wash day had shown her, and reached for the ties in the front, some urgent whisper inside her telling her she needed him naked now as well. She needed to feel all of him against her, stoking the fire he’d started.
Trevor gave aid to her efforts, deftly loosening the strings and removing his breeches. That pale moonlight showed only the shape and size of him, creating both reservations and questions about how, precisely, this worked. But he granted no time for either to manifest, stepping closer again as he settled his hands on her hips, kissing her again into a fine frenzy.
He did not hold her close again though, which left Nicole wondering if he thought to spare her sensibilities, with his new nakedness. And just as a certain wantonness induced her to reach for him, to discover him, he intercepted her hand, whispering, “Not yet,” against her lips. Instead, he directed her hand between her own legs, his hand fitted over the top of hers, his long fingers pushing her slender ones into the curls.
