Page 46 of When She Loved Me
This struck Nicole as magnificently sensuous, both of them touching her. Trevor guided her fingers, showing her a back and forth motion that elicited a strangled and wondrous moan, stirring her need of him to heights she couldn’t have imagined.
“I want you wet for me,” he murmured, nipping at her mouth, pressing her fingers deeper into the folds, where she was indeed wet.
Nicole opened her mouth against him, but could make no sound, nor even return the favor of his sweet, tempting kisses.
He moved them, pushing her backward even as their lips still met and their hands still gave her such delight. The back of her legs touched the bed. Trevor sent his thigh between her legs at the same time he lowered her, his knee guiding them onto the mattress, his arm sliding around her back to catch her fall.
And now she felt him, as he came on top of her, felt his erection stroking just where their fingers had, and she heard herself moan again with need. Trevor abandoned her lips to find her breasts with his mouth. At this unforeseen touch, Nicole sank into the mattress, trying to halt the wild and unexpected rush of excitement stirred by his mouth covering her breasts, his tongue licking at her nipples. Soon though, she was arching her back and holding his head close as he brought each nipple to perfect arousal. He showed her the connection between different parts of her, how the attention given to her breasts created a swirling, wanton heat between her legs. Nicole began to rub against him, opened her legs so that he touched her more intimately, so that this building thing inside her grew stronger and stronger.
The head of his cock met with the very center of her and Nicole somehow knew this would complete her and deliver her what her untutored body craved right now. She moved her hipsto draw him inside her, heard him growl, suggesting he liked this, and she shifted again. Trevor stilled, his lips returning to hers as he flexed his hips and answered her want of more, entering her slowly. With his elbows and forearms on either side of her head, pressing into the mattress and pillow, he watched her as he pushed further inside her. Nicole stared back, her fingers digging into his sides with this new sensation and wished now for so much more light to see him, to see if he felt what she did, how beautiful and perfect and right this was. She saw only that his eyes were shiny in the darkness and that he breathed through his mouth as he watched her.
Nicole did the same, her lips forming a littleoto force even breaths, even as hips continued to move against him. He surged forward then, stopping at the resistance within.
Trevor dropped his forehead to hers. “The very last thing I want to do is hurt you again, sweet. But I—it needs to be done.”
Nicole had some vague notion of what he spoke, having been informed during a very awkward and awful discussion with her governess years before. She nodded, hearing his words again.The very last thing I want to do is hurt you again, uttered with a tortured and sorrowful tone. Trevor rose, planting his palms on the bed, being high above her and pulled himself out almost all the way before pushing back in to the point he’d reached before. He did this several times while Nicole acquainted herself with his chest, running her hands over the solid muscles, liking the way they bulged and shifted as he rocked in and out of her. He surged forward with a great thrust, filling her completely, bringing forth a startled cry. Tears pooled for the surprising extent of the pain and Trevor stopped moving altogether, poised above her, waiting.
Breathing raggedly now, slightly worried now she might not enjoy what else might follow, she nodded again, giving him an encouraging smile, having some inkling that they weren’t done yet.
He began to move again, just as slowly and as tortuously as he had before, sliding in and out of her, soon enough making her forget the pain and feel only him. She cried in earnest now, but only on the inside, so in love with the idea that she belonged wholly and truly to Trevor now.
And all that he’d aroused in her only moments ago returned, announcing itself as a fire coursing through her, lighting and searing many parts of her. He moved faster, wedging a hand under her bottom to show her how to meet his thrusts. Slick, wet noises accompanied their bumping and scraping, arousing Nicole yet more, until every sensation surged and swelled and roared inside her.
This, she had not expected,. Her eyes widened, looking to Trevor for confirmation and then unable to keep her eyes open so that they shuttered close, her lids twitching, her toes curling as her orgasm crashed over her. At one point she lifted herself off the mattress while it rolled over her, her fingers clawing at the bed covers. What she felt was nearly indescribable, something she hadn’t imagined existed, and while it ravaged her, heightening every nerve and tingling so many places within, she tried desperately to know and feel and claim each part of it, having some belief that surely it must be short-lived, lest it consume her.
Her husband continued to pump, faster and faster still, even while Nicole was spent and amazed, until he lunged one last time against her and went still with a low grunt and a drawn out, brutal sigh.
They were motionless, Nicole half sitting, half lying, her legs limp now against the bed, Trevor between her legs, his breath so choppy now while he held himself perfectly unmoving inside her. Nicole was acutely aware of him throbbing within her and moved again. He shook his head, side to side, though could not lift it. Nicole went still, considering all these naked and perspiring entwined limbs.
“Honest to God, if I’d known...” she couldn’t complete the thought, didn’t know where she’d been going with the beginning of that statement. Maybe, if her breath came with less harshness, she’d have finished with,I’d not have let you leave on our wedding night.
Her breath caught. Oh, but...he’d known. Surely, he must have known. And he’d abandoned her anyway. Oh.
How could he have known this would be the result of what he’d started with that first kiss in the garden at the Clarendon ball, and not want to see it finished? Unless you...unless you didn’t actually want it, save to make your heir.
Oh.
Thankfully, just then, he shifted, allowing Nicole to scooch away from him.
She lifted her leg around him, rolled up onto her side and closed herself off to him.
She wanted so badly to cry. That such a beautiful thing should be wasted on two people so at odds with each other. However would she survive this? Giving her body and ultimately so much of herself to this man she loved still so much. To know that he could not forgive her, that he would not love her.
With her eyes so tightly closed, she could only feel him rising up on one elbow at her side. She winced when a tear slid away from her eye despite her efforts to withhold it.
“Why do you cry, Nicki?” Trevor asked, breaking her heart for the gentleness he employed, wiping away her tears with his thumb. “Did I hurt you so terribly?”
She had deluded herself, but only briefly, that making a baby had been all she desired. Inwardly, she’d given up this pretense fairly quickly, soon after he’d begun to touch her. But now she had no choice but to face it head on. She wanted him, and his touch, and his loving, and while she would absolutely delight in a child of her own, she was honest enough with herself to admit she hoped she hadn’t conceived this night and hoped she wouldn’t conceive so long as he remained at the abbey.
But had he harmed her? He had not. He’d been perfectly clear about his objective, had stated unequivocally that there was not love.
She could only shake her head, drawing a deep breath. Yet, dear Lord, how it hurt! Not physically—that had been brief and quickly forgotten—but inside, she ached for this man to love her. But he would only love her body, and simply to beget an heir. He would show her no affection outside of this room likely, perhaps remain only that carelessly attentive though detached earl. He would enslave her body and eventually her heart but never return the favor, she feared.
“I was hoping we made a baby,” she said by way of excuse for her silence, but her voice was unsteady. “Shall you return to your rooms now?” She asked, wanting him gone that she might sob into her pillow, worried that it was unavoidable, but unwilling to let him see it.
He seemed to tense at her side, she felt the slight shifting of the mattress beneath her, but she dared not open her eyes. His hand, settled upon her naked hip, disappeared.
He stood from the bed. She knew he stared down at her for many long seconds. She could feel his blazing, surely contemplative gaze upon her. When she thought she could hold her breath no more, he finally left the room.
