Page 22 of Bleeding Hearts
“Softie.” I dig in, and he watches me contentedly, so I roll my eyes. Some habits die hard. He spent so long acting like my parent, he forgot how to be my brother. We are both learning, but sometimes he still looks at me like I’m his kid, and I guess that will never change.
Evan picks up his phone when he’s done eating, and his smile changes to a frown. “What’s wrong? Lally still not answering?” Alek murmurs around a mouthful.
“For a week now.” Evan sighs, and I perk up at her name, looking between them.
“She’s being so selfish,” Alek snaps.
I slam my knife and fork down before I can think it through, and both sets of eyes snap to me. “She’s not being selfish,” I protest.
“Yes, she is,” Alek scoffs. “She knows Evan’s worried, but she doesn’t care. He’s not asking for much. She’s being selfish for making him worry like this all the time and not even finding the time to reply. She’s out partying and going to school, and one little text takes two seconds.”
I know he’s being protective of Evan and his feelings, but in this moment, I want to smack my brother, something I’ve never wanted to do.
He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand.
“Selfish,” he mutters again, and I lose it.
I’m so sick of everyone judging her, only seeing what they want to see.
“She’s not fucking selfish,” I yell. “She is fighting every single day just to survive. She’s trying to save herself, and you don’t even notice. You are selfish for not seeing her trying to do her best to carry on?—”
“By partying and drinking?” Alek interrupts. “Stop with your attitude, it’s rude.”
“She doesn’t owe you a goddamn thing. You sent a text? You called? Did you go find her? Have you looked at her recently? Because I have, and I see a desperate woman who thinks she’s all alone as she struggles with her grief. She is allowed to cope in any way she wants, and as a friend, if you can’t see that and be there for her, then you don’t deserve her. She doesn’t owe you her free time, she doesn’t owe you anything, but you owe her. Where were you when she needed you? She’s right, you moved on and you’re happy, and you just stopped caring.” I thrust my chair back and storm out before I say something worse. I am so angry, I’m vibrating. How dare they? They are happy and thriving, and she’s struggling. I know it’s not all on them to helpher, but she needs them, and they don’t even notice, so blinded by their own happiness and love.
The door slams after me as I head down the path, but I hear it a moment later before my name is yelled. I turn to see Alek, his eyes narrowed and arms crossed. Evan appears behind him, looking sad. “Don’t talk to Evan like that. You don’t see how he still struggles every night?—”
“No, she’s right,” Evan whispers. “I was so lost in my own grief, I didn’t even think about hers.” He looks at me. “Is she that bad?”
Maybe it’s spiteful, but I want him to hurt for a moment like she is. “Don’t worry about it, you carry on with your perfect lives. I’ll protect her, and I wouldn’t want to stain you with my bad attitude.” I look at my brother. “If that’s how you think, then you aren’t the man I thought you were. You told me once that everyone is fighting a battle, one we don’t understand, and now look at you.” I storm away before I say something I might regret.
He’s my family, but right now, I could kick his ass.
I’m so mad, I’m shaking, and I need to take it out on something.
I find myself at the last place I thought I would ever be—the gym where Bones teaches self-defense. He’s currently teaching a class, but I head past him to the kickboxing room at the back. I might not particularly like exercising, since I’d much rather be napping or watching my dramas, but I need to get this anger out of me.
The glass door shuts behind me, and I head to the bag, taping up my hands like he taught me. I turn on my music on myphone, selecting a fast, angry playlist, and just beat the shit out of the bag. I smash my feet and fists into it until I’m panting and sweaty, the anger leaving me, and then I collapse onto the mats.
I’m really not made for exercise no matter how hard they try to make me. I’m made for snacks and naps.
“Here.”
I open my eyes to see a water bottle thrust at me, Bones hovering above me.
“Thanks,” I mutter as I sit up and take it, sipping it as he crouches before me.
“You good?” he asks.
“I will be,” I answer as I cap the bottle and play with the label.
“Lally?” he asks knowingly, and I nod silently.
“You’re a stubborn bitch, Alice. You’ll get there. Just keep showing up. That’s what Skylar did. Sometimes that’s all it takes, just knowing that someone is there no matter what. Even when you’re being unreasonable and cruel, they are still there. She might be testing you. I know I tested Skylar, and I still do.” He slaps my shoulder as he stands. “I have class. Next time, though, we are working on your form. What was that shit? You looked like an insect fighting a flower.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“No problem.” He heads out, and I collapse back once more.
