Page 21 of Bleeding Hearts
Groaning, I slump forward and pull my fingers free, shaking with aftershocks, but as soon as the afterglow fades, I’m left feeling raw and alone again.
Sweaty and tired, I collapse into my twisted sheets and finally let my tears fall.
I bury my face in my pillow as I sob. I wish I could love someone like Alice.
I think it would be easy to be loved by her, but I can’t.
I’m going to lose her, and it’s killing me.
I muffle my screams and sobs in my pillow, alone in the dark as I release my demons.
CHAPTER TEN
Icried all night, my face hurts, and I’m pissed off. If she thinks she can push me away, she’s wrong. I’m not going anywhere, but I’ll admit that it hurt. My first brush with pleasure under her hands ended horribly. I hate that it’s tainted by her pain, but she’s drowning, and she can’t find her way up.
It was written on her face. She doesn’t want to hurt me, but she doesn’t see any other way. That’s fine because I meant what I said. She can hurt and use me, I don’t care, but I’m not going anywhere.
I’m feeling a little vulnerable though, so maybe that’s why I head home. The door is locked, but I use my key. It is early, so they should still be here. I just need my brother right now.
Opening the door, I narrow my eyes when I realize it’s too quiet. “I’m home for breakfast. You two better not be fucking!” I shout.
There’s a crash and swearing, and I chuckle as I shut the door and kick off my shoes. “I’ll give you a minute, and then I’m going to the kitchen!” I call helpfully, something I learned since I walked in on them fucking on the sofa. Trust me, once was enough to scar me for life.
“Sure, sure, we were just . . . cooking,” Evan replies, his voice high.
Shaking my head, I step into the kitchen and raise my eyebrows. They stand side by side, Alek holding a spatula in his hand. “Cooking.” He nods at it.
My eyes sweep over them as I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. Alek is wearing a cropped shirt, which is definitely Evan’s since it reads “Passenger Princess,” and just his boxers. Evan has on a huge shirt, and he grins widely at me.
“Nice shirt,” I comment, and Alek looks down and swears, making Evan and I burst into laughter. “Nice try.” I sit on a chair and watch as they share a look.
“Let me make some breakfast.” Alek’s cheeks turn red as Evan sits down on the other side of the table, smiling at me. His hair is a mess, and he has a very noticeable hickey on his throat. For a moment, I see the love in his eyes as Alek leans over and kisses him softly. It’s so sweet. Why can’t I have something like that?
Evan coughs. “I’ll, um, clean the table before we eat.”
“Fuck, the table? Really?” I jerk back, glaring at them. “You two are animals. Just use a bed!”
Evan laughs as Alek starts cooking. “When you’re in love, you’ll understand. Sometimes you just can’t help it.”
My cheeks heat as I remember last night. There were people around, but I didn’t care. I wouldn’t have stopped her for anything.
Evan’s eyes narrow on me as he stops wiping and points at me. “Or do you already know?”
Alek jerks around, wide-eyed and horrified. “You better not!”
Rolling my eyes, I scan the room for a distraction and land on the open book on the side. It has a pink and yellow cover, and the wordslesbian,love, andfeministjump out at me. “Um, what’s that?”
Alek looks at it and scrambles over, throwing a towel over it. “Nothing,” he barks out quickly. “Let me get a better shirt.” He hurries away, and Evan watches him go with a grin.
“He wants to understand you and your life better,” Evan says with a shrug.
I stare at him, unsure what to say.
“He isn’t asking for you to talk about anything if you’re uncomfortable. He’s just trying to expand his knowledge so he can help you. If you’re never ready to talk to him, he’ll be okay with that as long as you’re happy. He just wants to be there for you.”
“Oh,” I reply, unsure what to say, and Alek hustles back into the room and starts cooking again. I can’t take my eyes off him. Does he know? Of course he does. He’s my brother. He knows everything. I could never hide anything from him.
He doesn’t treat me differently or say anything as he places some food before us and sits, taking Evan’s hand and kissing it softly. His eyes sparkle with happiness and love as he looks between us. “It’s been too long since we did this. I’ve missed having my family all together.”
