Page 61 of Lady of Providence
Justine looked out the window for a moment, concentration upon her face.
"I do recall him letting go of a clerk for fraudulent behavior. I know he was concerned about a partner, but for the life of me, I cannot recall who it might have been. I'm sorry, darling."
Elizabeth sighed inwardly but smiled for her grandmother. "No problem at all. I thought I would see if you knew of anything."
At least now she knew that she could trust the clerks. She would ask them of the situation first thing on Monday morning. She was already on a roll dismissing partners — why stop now? Elizabeth felt as though a reckless spirit had overtaken her. It was somewhat freeing, thrilling even. All of her life she had lived by the rules, had followed entirely what was expected of her. Now that she had lost Gabriel and seemed to be losing the bank, all despite her careful practices, what did anything matter anymore?
Thankfully, Elizabeth saw no sign of Gabriel as she entered the Featherstones' London home. She did, however, see Sarah, who reached out a hand in greeting when Elizabeth approached.
“Elizabeth,” she said, her smile warm, though she squeezed Elizabeth’s hand as though she was aware something was the matter. “How are you?”
Unlike the polite greetings of most people, Elizabeth always knew that Sarah's question was genuine. Sarah looked into Elizabeth's eyes as she asked the question, searching out the emotion within. Sarah's brown eyes were so warm, so compassionate, that Elizabeth nearly shed a tear herself, but she stayed strong.
"I am..." She honestly didn't know how to answer that question, and she looked around her before leading Sarah into a corner of the ballroom, where they could stand against the wall and view the room without any worry of who may be listening from over their shoulders. Before she could stop them, the words came tumbling out. "I am questioning who I am, if I am being honest with you. I am questioning my life to this point, and the decisions I have made. Did I make the right choice in assuming and keeping my active role in the bank, or am I only bringing about its downfall? Should I have left the home of my parents? Speaking of them, they just arrived. You can see the look my mother is already sending my way. And then there is my decision regarding Gabriel…”
Elizabeth looked down at her hands for a moment, her gloves reminding her of the night he had kept the others from her. Gloves that she never did get back, she realized. Why, oh why, no matter what she did or to what extent she tried to keep him from her life, did everything surrounding her remind her of him?
Sarah said nothing as she waited for Elizabeth to continue, aware that there was more to this story that Elizabeth needed to get out.
When she looked back up at Sarah, her friend placed a hand on her arm, as though she could see the pain emanating from Elizabeth's eyes.
"Did I make the right choice?" Elizabeth asked, hearing her voice soft and low, the ache within it apparent even to her. "Was I being too harsh, too proud, too stubborn? Oh, Sarah, I'm just so afraid of being hurt again that I'm scared to let him in."
Now that she had spoken the truth aloud, relief filled her. Gabriel had been right about one thing — sharing burdens could be more helpful than she had ever realized.
"If you truly feel that your life would be better without him, then so be it — you've made the right choice, and you can move on. If, however, you let him go simply because you are scared of the risk you would have to take, well... everyone is scared, Elizabeth. No one knows what the future holds, and if you don't take the risk, then you could miss out on the most wonderful aspects of life."
Elizabeth took a deep breath. “That is true. Frightening, but true."
"Perhaps you need to speak to Gabriel again."
"If he will even speak with me."
"He's here."
"What?"
Elizabeth looked around, not seeing him anywhere.
"I saw him enter into one of the back rooms with Phoebe's husband and another man — the one you say loves the ladies."
"Ah. David Redmond."
"That's the one. A handsome man.”
“But not the faithful, nor the marrying type," Elizabeth said wryly.
“But Gabriel seems to now be, which is most important. So what are you waiting for?" Sarah asked, and Elizabeth nodded at her, gathered her strength, and began for the back, however she was soon intercepted by her parents.
"Elizabeth, how are you?" her mother asked, and Elizabeth managed a smile, despite the fact that she was now impatient to get on with her next conversation, despite the fact she had no idea exactly what she would say to Gabriel, besides the fact that she knew she had to apologize. He had been nothing but generous of his time and attention for the past few months, and she had been rather dismissive of it in her stubbornness. But that would have to wait.
“I am well, Mother. How are you?"
"As well as can be, despite the fact that you have injured us so," her mother said with a pained expression, and Elizabeth tried not to let her mother's words affect her.
"I am sorry you feel that way, Mother, but it was time for me to step out on my own, live my own life — just as Terrence did.”
“Terrence is a gentleman, not an unwed lady,” her mother said with a sniff, and Elizabeth decided that the best course of action was simply not to respond.
