Page 57 of Lady of Providence
“I never actually colluded with him,” Gabriel said reluctantly, his gaze upon her, seeking out her eyes as he needed her to understand.
“Did you agree to help him in any way? Is there any truth to what he told me?”
Gabriel sighed.
“Yes, but—”
She stood then, walking to the door, holding it open.
“You can leave.”
“Elizabeth—”
“Please,” she said, her voice and her expression desperate now, and he knew she was on the brink of losing control of her emotions, which he actually wanted, needed her to do.
“I am not leaving until you listen to what I have to say,” he continued, standing himself as he walked over and looked down at her. “I told him I agreed to his schemes, but I only did so because I thought then he might leave you alone. I thought if he was of the impression that I would partake in his collusion against you, that he would leave you be. Clearly, I was wrong.”
“Clearly. He is certainly of the impression that you have helped create my downfall, which also includes the downfall of the bank — of which you are a partner. You should only be trying to build it up.”
“Elizabeth, I was trying tohelpthe bank.”
“How could helping Henry possibly help the bank?”
“I would never do anything that Henry requested.”
“I don’t understand—”
“Elizabeth, can we please sit down and discuss this, instead of standing here as you hurl accusations and I attempt to defend them? Come, you are smarter than this. You know your cousin, know the lengths he would go to in order to cause discord.”
He could see her fists clenching and then unclenching at her sides, and she looked away from him, over his shoulder to the other side of the room.
“Gabriel,” she said, her head dropping now to look down to the floor, her shoulders sagging in defeat. “I’m tired. Yes,” she said holding up a hand when he began to speak, to protest that it was partially her own fault for taking it all on her own. But apparently, she already knew what he was going to say. “I know, I should share my burden. But at the moment, what is most tiring is the fact that I do not know who I can turn to and who is against me. I am tired of your manipulations, Gabriel. You may not have schemed against me, but you become interested in the bank, interested inme, at the same time. Whether it was or is a game to you, I have no idea, but this is not just a game. This is my life. And if you marry me, it is forever. Sure, I may provide you stimulating conversation, but marriage is more than that. It’s a pact to be together, with only one another and no one else. You’ve made your promises, I know that, but it is hard to know what to believe when it seems like everywhere I turn there is one lie and then another. Yes, at the moment you are interested in the bank, in me, but what happens when that interest wanes? Do you turn to another scheme, another business, anotherwoman?”
Gabriel could feel his chest rising and falling rapidly at her words, at the emotions roiling within him.
“There is no other woman like you,” he said, but she was too far within herself to listen any longer.
“For now,” she said, her hands falling to her sides. “Gabriel, five years ago, you promised me a life together. A marriage to the man I loved. I could hardly believe that a future duke wantedme, though the fact of your title had nothing to do with it. It was you, the man, Gabriel Lockridge, who I wanted. You were the man every woman wanted, though for different reasons than I. And I thought that you chose me. When I saw you with Lady Pomfret, I could hardly believe my eyes. I wanted to deny it, to tell myself that I was seeing someone else, something else, but of course, it was you. You knew how much loyalty meant to me, that I could never be with a man who took anyone else. You broke me then, and just when it seemed that trust was beginning to heal, it has been called into question once more.”
“So what, then?” he asked, angry with her refusal to listen to him, for not having any faith in him, for not realizing that he was a different man than he had been five years ago, for her hold on past hurts and past sins. “That’s it? We are to go our separate ways?”
“I suppose so,” she said her voice small, and Gabriel was filled with a feeling of despondency like nothing he had ever experienced before.
He had known, from the moment he had asked her to marry him, that this was a potential outcome, but never had he thought that the result could have such an effect upon him. Part of him — his heart, he realized – longed for him to keep fighting, to beg her to reconsider, to listen to him, to allow him to prove to her the man that he was.
But the other part — his ducal mind, his pride, his very being — would not allow him to do so. That would be admitting defeat, which Gabriel would never, ever do.
“Are you sure that is what you want — what you really want?” he asked one last time, hearing the harshness in his voice but unable to prevent it.
“I… think so.”
“Well, you better be sure, Elizabeth, because I will not be asking you to marry me a third time. So answer me, and answer me now. Is your final answer to my proposal a no?”
She finally looked up at him, and when she did, a glaze of tears covered her eyes.
“I can hardly agree to marriage in such circumstances!”
“A no then,” he said, hardening his heart in an attempt to protect it from the pain that was currently coursing through it. “Very well. Goodbye, Elizabeth. I hope your ledgers keep you warm at night.”
