Page 46 of Lady of Providence
“I wanted to be with you,” she said softly.
“But just for one night?”
“I suppose… yes… no. I don’t know. I cannot deny what I feel for you, how I do want you. But…”
But she was scared that one day he would turn from her, and she would be left with nothing. How could she make him understand what she feared? She spoke to him of finances and her independence, but she knew the truth, even if she couldn’t say it aloud – she most feared allowing herself to be vulnerable before him once more.
He turned around now, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the window. He was a man slow to anger, but once he did…
“How is it,” he asked slowly, “That in everything else in your life, you are so decisive, so sure in your decisions, and yet with me you are entirely contrary?”
“I ask myself that question constantly,” she said honestly.
“The last time I asked you to marry me, you said yes rather quickly,” he observed.
“Things were different then.Wewere different.”
“So what is it, Elizabeth?” he asked, pushing away from the windowsill and walking toward her until he was a foot away, carrying himself with the imposing ducal power he knew how to wield. “Should I take this as a ‘no’?”
Elizabeth refused to be cowed by him, to back down or allow him to make her feel anything less than what she was.
“I would ask that you give me time to think on my answer,” she said. “Would youallowthat, Your Grace?”
His eyes narrowed ever so slightly, but otherwise, he seemed unaffected.
“Very well,” he said, then reached into his jacket and pulled a small box out of his pocket, which he slammed it down on a small end table beside him. “This was for you. It still is, I suppose, if you choose to accept it. It was my mother’s and is for the woman I will one day marry. Good day, Lady Elizabeth.”
And with that he was out the door, pulling it shut firmly behind him before Elizabeth could even whisper, “Good day, Gabriel,” as her eyes began to fill with tears.
CHAPTER22
Gabriel hadn’t meant to be so heavy-handed with Elizabeth, to show such anger nor try to intimidate her. He could hardly tell her, however, just how much her denial had hurt him, and instead he had lashed out at her.
She had fortitude, though, not giving into his words nor showing any sort of emotion herself. But she frustrated him to no end. If she didn’t want him, why not just come out and say so? Why hide behind all of these excuses? For what else could he possibly give her, or could she want from him? He had told her she could keep her banking position, and even her bloody fortune, for goodness sake. Most men would not be nearly so generous. Most men likely wouldn’t be able to afford to be either, although that was beside the point.
And what kind of woman would prefer to be alone than to marry — and adukeno less? He could knock on the door of any house within Mayfair — hell, within all of London — and ask for the hand of the eldest daughter and none would deny him. In fact, he was sure even a few married ladies of the house would gladly leave for him if they were able.
Why, oh why, for all that was good, did he have to fall for Lady Elizabeth Moreland — not once, but twice? And why had he made such a disaster of things the first time so that now she would think of any and every excuse not to be with him? She was scared of being hurt again, he reasoned. That must be it — and so she had hurt him first.
All of these thoughts circled around his head as he entered White’s Gentleman’s Club later that evening. He didn’t know why he was here, nor what he expected from the men within these doors, but it had to be better than sitting in his study ruminating on Elizabeth’s words as he looked to the door where she had entered only the night before to fulfill all of the fantasies that had been flowing through his mind.
Gabriel was relieved to find that both Redmond and Berkley were in attendance this evening. Thank goodness, he thought, for he didn’t think he could stomach the company of any other men tonight. He was well aware of just what a foul mood he was in, and he hoped a drink and a win at cards could help raise his spirits.
“Gentlemen,” he said, taking a seat between the two of them and they nodded, though he noted Berkley’s raised eyebrow and he realized how surly his greeting had been.
“Troubles, Clarence?” Berkley asked nonchalantly, and Gabriel shrugged, not interested in telling them of Elizabeth’s near-denial, though he was aware that Berkley had found himself in such a situation not long ago. Berkley seemed to read his mind, however, as he laughed at Gabriel’s reluctance to answer the question. “Do you not recall telling me that you were interested in finding yourself a woman such as Phoebe, one who would keep you on your toes?” Berkley asked. “Just how is that going for you?”
Gabriel couldn’t help but chuckle, aware that Berkley spoke the truth.
“It certainly is a question to ponder, whether one should prefer to be kept interested or at ease,” he said with a sigh, and Redmond looked between the two of them before shaking his head.
“Or you could just stay single and enjoy all that the world has to offer you,” he said with a grin. “Thatwould be my preference.”
“A fact of which we are all well aware, Redmond,” Gabriel said dryly, though his remark did not seem to bother his friend, who rather embraced his role as an affable rake.
Gabriel would have preferred to enjoy an evening with just the three of them, but it seemed that tonight White’s was a particularly popular choice, for soon the room was crowded with men milling about, and the chairs throughout the room were filling so that other men were close enough to converse with the three of them.
“Clarence,” came a voice from Gabriel’s right. “How are you this evening?”
