Page 14 of Absolutely Not in Love
“Nope. You wouldn’t have mentioned him if there was nothing to tell.”
I groan. I know Summer’s persistence will get the truth out of me eventually, but also, I maybe kind ofdowant to talk about it. Maybe another person pointing out howwrongFelix is for me will help me kill this crush once and for all.
I pause long enough for our waiter to clear away our dinner plates and drop off the cannoli Summer ordered. I try not to think about the growing size of the check we’ll be splitting. This kind of a splurge is definitely out of the ordinary for me, but it’s not like I see Summer every weekend. If there’s ever a reason to justify spending a little extra money, it’s Summer.
“Felix, Gracie,” Summer says, gesturing with her fork. “Let me hear it.”
I quickly summarize the last few interactions I’ve had with Felix. The underwear encounter. The thing with the mail. The increased frequency with which we’ve been running into each other in the hall. “Then there’s other stuff too,” I say. “Like, my brother just randomly called me last weekend and told me Felix is Maddox’s favorite player. And while I was at the grocery store the other day, I saw Felix in the parking lot, loading this old lady’s groceries into her car like he was an actual bagboy. Suddenly, it feels like he’s everywhere. Coming up in conversations even when I’m not running into him.”
“Maybe the universe is trying to tell you something,” Summer says.
“And then there’s the fact that he…” I pause, knowing if I finish this sentence, Summer will knowexactlywho was leaving the symphony concert in a black Audi.
“The fact that he what?” Summer asks.
I pour myself another glass of wine and take a slow slip. “He was at my symphony concert tonight,” I finally say.
“I knew it!” Summer says, her expression triumphant. “Iknewthere was someone important driving that car.”
“I just don’t know what he’s trying to do,” I say. “I’ve told him I don’t date hockey players. Why would he come to my concert if he knows I’m not interested?”
Summer taps her lip. “Good point. So, waseveryoneat the concert tonight only there to see you?”
“Summer. You were there, and you saw the crowd. There might have been ten people in attendance who were less than sixty-five years old. And I’veneverseen him there before.”
“Okay, so hewasthere to see you. Doesn’t that make his attendance even more amazing?”
“It isn’t. It’s…annoying,” I bite out. “Because probably he was only there to try to change my mind about dating hockey players.I bet he has this all planned out. The mail and the sexiness and the smelling so good when he’s in the hallway. He’s trying to wear me down. Which, maybe it’s just me, but that feels really arrogant.Thatfeels like a hockey player.” My head suddenly feels swimmy, addled by too much wine, but I feel good about the point I’ve just made. A hockey playerwouldbe cocky enough to persist—to refuse to takenofor an answer.
Summer slides the cannoli we’ve been sharing toward her, and takes a big bite, her expression saying she doesn’t think I deserve to have any. “Honestly,” she says, once she finally swallows, “the mental gymnastics you’re performing to justify your position right now are pretty astounding.” She uses a fork to scrape up the last of the chocolate chip mascarpone. “Why are you being so stubborn about this? This guy could be great, and you don’t even want to give him a chance.” She holds up her phone, still showing the picture of Felix crossing the parking lot. “Look at him, Gracie. You’re telling methis manmight be genuinely interested in you, and you aren’t interested back?”
“Really?” I ask. “That’s how shallow we are now? We only talk about how a man looks?”
“Of course we don’t,” Summer argues. “But it’s an okay place to start. And based on what you’ve told me, Felix Jamison also seems like a nice guy.”
I drop back into the booth, the motion making my brain clang around inside my skull. At least, that’s what it feels like is happening. I glance at my wine glass, which is empty again, and suddenly I can’t remember if I’ve had two glasses or three. “Hockey players are all the same,” I say with a huff. “You just have to trust me on that.”
She purses her lips, judgment clear in her expression. It’s one of the reasons I love Summer so much. She is fiercely loyal and supportive to a fault, but she won’t hide her feelings to spare someone else’s, especially if she senses any degree of injustice. “How does it make your brother feel to know you regard him so highly?”
“My brother is different,” I shoot back. “He got out. Jadah saved him from himself when she got pregnant with Maddox.”
Summer shakes her head. “You aren’t being fair, Gracie. Josh is a good guy. He would have stayed a good guy even if he’d kept playing hockey. I think this is a lot more about Gavin, which is stupid because your high school boyfriend was an idiot boy, and you were only seventeen years old. This isn’t the same scenario at all.”
My jaw clenches at the thought of Gavin, the first and only hockey player I ever dated. He was Josh’s age, a senior when I was a junior, and he was one of the most popular guys at school. I thought I was immune to the lure of popularity. I was the nerdy, bookish musician. I didn’t care about pep rallies or homecoming or anything else regular high schoolers cared about. But then Gavin looked at me, hesaw me,and suddenly, other people saw me too. The attention was intoxicating.Hewas intoxicating. And then a switch flipped, and I couldn’t remember why I hated hockey so much.
For the next six months, I was actually excited about going to Josh’s games. I even made a habit of stopping by the rink at the end of his practices just to see Gavin.
My family was floored. I’d been protesting going to the rink for any reason, games or practices, foryears.And now I wanted to be there any time Josh was there.
There were all kinds of red flags. Josh later told me he never really liked Gavin and he particularly hated the way he talked in the locker room, but for once, the giant hockey-shaped barrier between me and my brother was gone. He liked that I no longer complained about the sport he lived for, so he ignored his misgivings in favor of the newfound harmony in our home.
Until Gavin stood me up on prom night.
Nothing like getting all dressed up and waiting for your boyfriend to pick you up only to find out he “forgot” about the dance and made other plans. Turns out those “other plans” had been waiting for him, all blond hair and long legs, after his hockey game that afternoon. His first groupie.
The next morning, Gavin posted a picture on his Instagram account of him in her bedroom,in her bed.
So that was awesome.
