Page 15 of Absolutely Not in Love
To this day, every time I hear something on the news about bad boy hockey players hooking up with random women in whatever city they’re playing, I think of Gavin and recommit to my no-hockey rule.
“I get what you’re saying,” I say to Summer. “I do. But some thingsarethe same. He’s an Appie, Summer. That means he’s traveling. It means in every single city, there are women who find out where the players are sleeping and proposition themjustbecause they play hockey. It means he has the same wild ambition, the same death wish, they all have. Why is it so wrong for me to disqualify someone who has dedicated his life to a sport I don’t like? Aren’t we allowed to have deal breakers?”
She shrugs and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “My sister had a thousand misgivings about dating someone like Flint Hawthorne. Things she might have even called dealbreakers. And look at them now. He’s the greatest thing that ever happened to her.”
“And I’m happy for her,” I say. “But that isn’t what this is. It isn’t the same.”
She holds up her hands like she’s finally ready to concede. “Okay. I won’t say anything else about it. But I still think you’re being stubborn. And it might mean missing out on something really great.”
Maybe Iambeing stubborn. But Summer doesn’t get it. She doesn’t understand what hockey does to me. The sight of the sticks, the bags, the sound of the blades cutting the ice, it stirs up this feeling, this discomfort, that I can’t quite shake.
Somehow, I justknow.If I go down this road, I’ll wind up getting hurt.
I fold my arms across my chest. “I’d rather take my chances with gym shorts Jim.”
She presses her lips together. “The gym teacher at your school is actually namedJim?”
“James,” I say. “But everyone calls him Jim.”
And I really,reallydon’t want to date him.
“You don’t want to date him, honey,” Summer says, echoing my feelings.
“You’re right,” I say. “I don’t. But I don’t want to date Felix either.”
She eyes me. “Okay. If you’re sure about that, then will you introduce him to me?”
I close my eyes and grip the edge of the table, thinking of the way my skin flushes with heat whenever Felix is near. The way his slightly spicy scent envelops me whenever we pass in the hallway, making my knees feel wobbly and weak.
But the thought of him dating Summer—that awakens something inside me that I can’t even define. It’s deep and primal and makes my jaw clench. If the table in front of me wasn’t bolted to the floor, I could probably flip it over for all the angry energy coursing through me.
Oh no.I know exactly what this feeling is.
I pry my fingers off the table and force them into my lap, but it’s too late. Summer is too good at reading my face not to see my jealousy for what it is.
“That’s what I thought,” she says with a smirk. “Even justthinkingabout me and Felix made you jealous. You like him, Gracie. Admit it.”
“I don’t,” I insist. “I don’t care if you meet him. I’ll introduce you tonight. Then you’ll see that he’s no different from all the other cocky hockeys.”
She presses her lips together, stifling a snort. “Cocky hockeys?”
I frown, rethinking the words. They’re close to what I meant, but they aren’t quite right. “I had too much wine, didn’t I?”
Summer nudges my water toward me, and I wrap my fingers around the cool glass, letting the sensation ground me in the moment.
“So by cocky hockey, what you mean is that Felix isn’treallyinto you, he’s just trying to get in your cello case?”
I raise my eyebrows. “My cello case?”
She smirks. “It sounded classier than getting in yourpants.”
“You’re horrible.”
“You’re the one making the assumptions. I’m just rephrasing what you’re already saying.”
And she’s doing it on purpose to make me see how silly I’m being, how much I’m relying on stereotypes. Which,fine.I am. Is that what she wants me to admit?
“I’m only a product of my experiences,” I say. “And there’s nothing wrong with that.”
