Page 91 of Moonlight & Matrimony
“Rylin, love,” I say softly, my voice trembling as I move closer.
She doesn’t say anything as she takes a tentative step in my direction, her eyes locked on mine. I kneel down, opening my arms for her, and after a moment, she rushes into them, burying her face in my shoulder as her small body starts to shake, rackedwith silent sobs. All I can do is cry with her, attempting to whisper reassuring words that I’m not sure even I believe.
“It’s okay, Ry Ry. Mommy’s here. I’m here. We’re going to be okay.”
But even as I say the words, I wonder if they’re enough — ifI’menough. Because the truth is, I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be strong when I feel so broken.
Chapter 25
Ivy
? Francesca - Hozier
In the stillness of my quiet studio, I stare absentmindedly at a blank canvas, desperately searching for inspiration, but every image is soaked in blood and darkness. The once vibrant colors of my world feel dull and lifeless.
We’ve been home for a week and nothing feels right. I can’t figure out how to fix what’s been broken. Rylin hasn’t said a word to anyone and Luca spends all of his time rebuilding the workshop. I keep hoping I’ll wake to his warmth wrapped around me, but the bed remains cold and empty. It feels like I’m slowly suffocating between the walls that once felt so much like home, and I need to get out.
Another day comes and goes with a silent Rylin and an absent Luca; my heart feeling like it’s being torn from my chest. I should feel safe now that Austin is no longer a threat, but I would give anything to go back in time to have my vibrant daughter back, and sink back into my husband’s warm embrace. Ifoolishly thought we were starting to break through our barriers, but I can’t help but wonder if this has broken us beyond repair.
Austin’s family hasn’t fought us on anything, and I’m grateful for the reprieve. I don’t think I'll ever forgive them for enabling his behavior. His will left a little money to Rylin, but I don't want anything from him or his family after what he put us through. Send me to hell if you must, but I believe he got what he deserved in the end. I’m only sorry Luca has to live with the guilt of what he was forced to do.
I walk down the quiet hallway to Rylin’s bedroom, now painted a beautiful sky blue with fluffy white clouds and a rainbow above her bed. It was the last thing we did together as a family before the world came crashing down around us. I’ll never forget the joy on Rylin’s face as she splattered paint on Luca’s overalls, or how he took the paintbrush to her nose in retaliation before wrapping her up in his arms.
I miss who we once were — the unconventional, patchwork family — each piece sewn together with uneven threads, beautiful in its chaos. Mama’s words replay in my head like they have so many times.
“Just don’t lose your heart, Ivy girl.”
I suppose I should have heeded the warning.
The sound of muffled screams and distressed grunts carries down the hallway. I must have fallen asleep on the settee in my studio after giving up on my latest attempt to put brush to canvas. My bare feet make no sound on the cool floor as I move towards the living room. The sight that greets me stops me inmy tracks; Luca is huddled in the corner, his arms wrapped tightly around his knees. His eyes are wide open, but unfocused, trapped in a nightmare. The feeling is all too familiar.
The sound of Luca’s distressed breathing cuts through the quiet of the night, the sharp, panicked gasps, and the unmistakable sound of him muttering quietly to himself, his voice breaking and trembling. My heart aches at the sight of him, and I reluctantly take a slow, measured step forward.
“Luca,” I whisper, trying to gently break through the haze of his nightmare. “Luca, baby. You’re safe. You’re at home.”
I keep my voice calm, but still, there’s tension in his shoulders as he flinches at my words. I continue to move closer, trying to stay as non-threatening as possible. “Luca, look at me. Please, look at me.” A tear escapes below my lashes, a feeling of helplessness clawing at my chest. When he finally meets my gaze, his expression is filled with a mixture of guilt and terror. I take one more step forward as Luca’s breathing evens out, though he still looks utterly haunted. I sink down next to him, leaning my head on his shoulder. “What are we going to do?” I whisper.
“I… I don’t know,” he stutters, his lips brushing over my temple in a barely there kiss.
Luca
“I can’t live like this,” she whispers, shattering what remains of my heart as I take in the tears tracking down her cheeks.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” I reply, my voice sullen and hoarse.
“You couldn’t have known.Iran.Iput us in that position,” she says, picking at her thumb as we sit on the cold floor, clinging to each other like it’s our last hope. I love this girl somuch it hurts, but I can’t be what she needs and she has to sense that.
If someone asked me if I regret how it ended, the answer would be unequivocally no. I would take him down again in a heartbeat. But if you asked me if the aftermath was worth it? Well, that’s much more complicated — seeing Rylin damaged beyond comprehension, and Ivy clinging to the pieces of what remains of our once contented life, has stolen the last of my fortitude. I could live with knowing he’s still out there, still tormenting us for better or worse, but the thought that they might never be the same because I wasn’t there to protect them is pure agony.
“I’m so fucking sorry, sweetheart.” The words come out like a plea. I’m holding tight to the last threads of sanity as I search her face for a sign that we might be okay, but it’s an empty canvas, devoid of the light that used to reside there.
Her gaze locks with mine as more tears stream down her cheeks. I cup her face in my hand, bringing our foreheads together. “What do we do?” she asks.
“The only thing wecando. We keep trying.”
“I don’t know if I can,” she admits. “Nothing feels okay anymore. Like… like I lost a part of myself in that creek bed and I’ll never be whole again. Rylin… I don’t know how to help her. I can’t fix her and I…” her heart rate picks up, her breaths coming out in shallow gasps.
“You have to keep breathing, Ivy. If not for you, then for Ry. She needs you. One day she’s going to have so much to say, and you need to be there.”
