Page 94 of Moonlight & Matrimony
I look up from the blueprints I’ve been staring at for god knows how long. Scrubbing a hand along my overgrown beard, I respond, “That’s a loaded question.”
“You have to believe she’ll come back, man.”
I force a chuckle. “And what gave you that impression?”
“I’d like to think I know Ivy. She’s hurting right now, in ways that most people will never understand, but she won’t be able to stay away for long. Everyone who loves her is here, including you.”
I don’t deny his accusation because I no longer have it in me to pretend I didn’t fall fast and hard for both of them. “I never told her. At least not in the way I should have.”
“So show her. If that means mailing a thousand paper cranes to Colorado, do it. If it means building her a fucking house at Whispering Oaks Ranch, I’m on board. If it means flying your ass out to the mountains to fall on your knees, wear some shin guards. But for fuck’s sake, stop sitting here like a wounded puppy. Fix yourself and be the man she needs you to be when she comes back.”
“Goddamn, Miles. I had no idea you had all that in you. A thousand paper cranes, huh?”
He laughs. “I know a thing or two about a thing or two. I just never took you for a man who would give up so easily.”
“It’s not that simple. I can’t be what she needs.”
“You’ve been exactly that for a long time. How can you not see it?” He shakes his head in exasperation. “Look, I’m about to get all mushy, and if you tell anyone, I have a nail gun with your name on it.”
“That’s dark, man.”
“Shut up and listen. I’ll only say this once.” I nod in acknowledgement, silently signaling for him to continue. “Ivy always did a great job of hiding just how fractured she was. I saw through it. Paige did, too. But we didn’t push. You came along and suddenly she’s opening up, talking to people about what she was going through, and letting us in. She leaned on you because you felt like a safe haven. And I could be wrong, but I think she gave you that same peace.”
“She felt like… home,” I admit.
“Maybe she just needs a reminder. In the meantime, you’re about to burn holes in my blueprints, dude. Get back to work.”
Chapter 27
Ivy
? You All Over Me - Taylor Swift ft. Maren Morris
His memory haunts me. Not Austin; not the ghost of the man who tormented me for the better part of a decade. No, it’s my husband — my savior.Luca.
I thought the mountains could be my refuge, but sitting on the back deck as the snow pelts down from an inky black sky has me longing for the view from Oak Ridge.
Pulling my daughter into my arms as I wrap us both in the thick wool blanket, I squeeze just a little too tightly. Reminders of how I almost lost her play on a loop in my head. We’ve been in Colorado for a few weeks, and she still hasn’t said a word. We’re both just going through the motions — surviving.
Rylin rubs her cold nose against mine, then retreats inside the warmth of Wilder’s large ranch-style house. He didn’t hesitate to take us in, settling Rylin into the bedroom across from his 2-year-old daughter with the jack and jill bathroom that leads to my adjoining room. Truthfully, she spends more time in my bed than her own, but we’re grateful all the same.
Despite the distance, Luca is a constant presence. He reaches out every day. Sometimes just a line or two, other days much more. I reach into my pocket and scroll back through my messages to the very first one.
Luca: I miss you.
Luca: I wish I could say I knew the moment I saw you that I wanted you to be mine, but it wasn’t like that for me. Truth is, it was Rylin who stole my heart first. I was helpless against her light. I miss her, too.
Luca: Think I fell for you on our wedding day, under the big Oak Tree, when your lips met mine.
Luca: I know you’re not ready, and you might never be. But my heart belongs to you and Rylin. I’ll wait for you.
Luca: I have so many questions I want to ask you. So many things I wish I could tell you. Is Rylin talking again? Does she miss us? Are you healing? I’ve joined a group and I’m getting therapy. The nightmares have changed. I don’t see him falling anymore. Instead, I see your back disappearing into the airport. I hear your screams in the creek. I feel your faint pulse under my fingertips as you cling to life. Then there are the other dreams, the ones where Rylin is on the tree swing, giggling and smiling. Lighting up my world. You, walking down the aisle on our wedding day. Rylin curled up on your lap, elbow deep in a bowl of popcorn. Those dreams are worth all of the bad ones.
Luca: I would do it all again if it meant keeping you safe. I can live with the ghosts, but I can't live without you.
Luca: You’re my moon and stars, Ivy. Still there, but just barely out of reach.
Twenty-five messages, each one both a balm and a dagger, simultaneously tearing me apart and gluing my pieces back together. I’m not sure whether I should cry or run back into his arms. Lately I’ve been standing on the precipice, ready to take the leap and hope he catches me. But what if it’s too late? I want to gohome. To the Hayeses; to little Sofia, Paige, and Cade. I want to check on Sage, Hazel, and Chance, and see how they’re doing at the ranch. We weren’t able to bring them with us to Colorado and I miss them terribly. But mostly, I want to run back to Luca. I’ve felt a hollowness in my chest since the momentI stepped into the airport all those weeks ago; maybe it’s time to fill it again.
