Page 95 of Moonlight & Matrimony
“Ivy?” Wilder’s voice brings me back to the present. “Paige is on the phone.”
When I decided it was time to leave, Griff reached out to their big brother in Colorado and we were on a plane two days later. Despite Wilder’s best efforts, I haven’t been open about everything that happened with Austin and Luca. I’m certain Griff and Jax probably gave him at least a little bit of a rundown, but I know he has questions, especially since Rylin still hasn’t uttered a single word since we got here. Wilder lost his wife in an accident a couple of years back, so if anybody understands grief, it’s him, and he doesn’t push. Still, I can’t bring myself to talk about them.
“Tell her I’m busy.” It’s a dick move, shutting everyone out, but I’m not ready.
“I think it’s urgent,” he says, his face awash with concern. I breathe deeply, in for four and out for four, before taking the phone from his outstretched hand.
“Hello?”
“Thank god, Ivy!” Paige’s voice is strained, like she’s been crying.
“Paige, what’s going on? Is Luca okay?”
The line is silent for several heartbeats, a rising sense of unease threatens to bring me to my knees. “He’s ok but… I hate to ask. I know you’re still going through a lot, but we need you.”
I can sense Paige’s distress and it cuts through me like a knife, reminding me of all the ways I’ve failed as a friend. Have I been selfish? I inhale a shaky breath, trying to calm my racing heart. “What happened?”
“Nono had a stroke. We’re flying back to Canada tomorrow. We’ll stay for a few days to say our goodbyes, but when we get back…”He needs me.She doesn’t say the words, but she doesn’thave to. Antonio was everything to Luca and Paige. And Nana Sofia.Oh god.
“What about Nana?”
“We’re bringing her back with us. Mom tried to fight me on it, but in the end she agreed it was probably best to keep her away while they go through the will and the estate with his kids. It’s a big fucking mess. I can’t be with Luca while I’m trying to keep myselfandNana together. I have Cade, but Luca… he’s going to be alone.”
“No. No, he’s not. I’ll see you in a few days.”
The minute I spot Evelyn waiting for us at the baggage claim in Nashville, every worry and fear about returning instantly evaporates, replaced by the overwhelming feeling of rightness. As much as I wavered about coming back, I realize now it was inevitable. I don’t regret leaving. Although it didn’t necessarily heal us in all the ways I had hoped it would, if nothing else, time away gave me some much needed perspective.
Walking into the familiar two-story house in the heart of Oak Ridge, something settles deep in my bones. I feel his absence, and even though he’s not here, I’m immediately wrapped up in his familiar scent. Tears spring to my eyes as I’m bathed in the comfort of home.
Memories are etched into the walls like a time capsule. Every stolen kiss and longing glance. Every featherlight touch, and heated embrace. There are lines on the door frame where Luca measured Rylin’s height, teasing her over the possibility that her curls were just growing wilder as time went on. Sittingon the entryway table is the crayola portrait Rylin gifted Luca for his birthday. Lovingly displayed above the fireplace sits our wedding portrait — Luca and I locked in an intimate embrace under the old oak tree in the middle of town. Everything is just as we left it, and yet it feels hollow without him here.
Evie quietly studies my face and, once she’s certain I’m not going to crumble, she asks. “Are you okay?”
“Better than okay.” Rylin’s little hand snakes through mine. I glance down at my girl, a smile on her face and the flicker of light in her eyes. It’s the firstgenuinesmile I’ve seen in weeks, and it sends an arrow straight through my heart.This feels right.
Luca
“Luca Everett Roberts! Stop fussing over me,” Nana grumbles as I settle her on Paige’s sofa. Tucking a soft blanket around her legs. Her voice softens, “I’m fine, tesorino. You, on the other hand, look like shit.”
“Wow. Thanks, Nana,” I chuckle.
“Just telling it like it is. I know a little something about love, and what it feels like to lose it,” she says, her eyes somewhat glassy and far away. “Don’t look at me with pity, Luca. I’ve been fortunate in my life to find two great loves. When you find it, you cling to it with both hands.”
“Too late for that,” I say, eyes downcast as I needlessly adjust her blanket.
Nana reaches out a hand, squeezing mine in her fragile grip. I squeeze back, her time worn hand engulfed by my much larger palm. “It’s never too late. Until it is,” she whispers.
I nod in understanding. Ivy and Rylin are out there. Still breathing the same air. That has to be enough for now. I’ve triedto reach her, but she’s not ready, and I’ve accepted that, if a little reluctantly.
“I have to get home. Call if you need anything.” I kiss her forehead, then head back out to my truck, trying to steady myself for the solitude that awaits me back at the house. Memories of Ivy and Rylin still haunt the place that was meant to be my refuge, now stained by thoughts of what could have been if I had just seen what was right in front of me. I couldn’t bring myself to erase them from the place. There’s a comfort in knowing that everything is as it was before the world crumbled around us.
The dark, empty streets are decorated for Christmas with wreaths on every lamppost, illuminating the shops along main street as I follow the familiar path back home. I can’t believe Nono’s gone. I roll down my window, letting the frigid air chill my bones. I don’t remember much about my mom’s dad, who passed away when I was barely eight years old, but Nana’s second husband, our Nono, has been in my life for as long as I can remember — a warm, steady presence. He didn’t have a mean bone in his body, always ready to greet everyone with a warm smile and a meal — whether you were hungry or not.
I wish I could be more like him, but it takes all of my strength to even muster the ghost of a smile these days. My mind trails back to the moment I almost lost them, and then to the moment I truly did. Because the truth is, theyarelost to me now, and there is no going back. The suffocating heaviness of guilt, compounded by the open wound caused by the loss of Nono’s effervescent spirit, leaves me feeling empty. I wish I could go back in time and open my heart to her sooner. I wasted so much time trying not to love her. By the time I realized I already did, it was too damn late. Putting my truck in park, I slam my palms on the steering wheel, muttering a curse.
Walking up the weathered pathway on autopilot, I glance over at the familiar sage green victorian next door, then to thetree swing that will never look the same again. I’m so absorbed in memories that I don’t even register that my door is unlocked and my lights are on until I’m standing in the middle of my home, staring at the back of a small curly-haired child sitting at the kitchen island.
Now I know I’ve lost it.
