Page 15 of Artemis' Bow
“Don’t, Jayden. I don’t want to talk about it.” I wrap my arms around my middle, turning away from him.
He’s going to be angry and hurt that I didn’t tell him. Will he think I don’t love him enough because I didn’t fail that test to be with the fake him? I thought it was Jayden, and I was completely gutted when he forced me to choose.
What will the real Jayden think of me once he knows?
“Beth, whatever it is, you can’t bottle it up like this. Did I do something wrong?” His shoulders are slumped as he turns me to face him.
“No, you didn’t. It’s all in my head. I just want it to stop.”
I grip my hair in both hands and slide down the wall, curling up to protect myself from his penetrating gaze, but it doesn’t stop the voice in my head.
He’ll never love you if he knows what you did. That choice didn’t matter. It was all fake. When the real choice comes, what will you do? Save the man or save the world?
“Beth, listen to me.” Jayden lifts me into his lap, cradling my body against his.
“I can’t choose again. I can’t.”
Jayden wipes away the wetness on my face with his thumb. I didn’t even realize I was crying until this second. My chest aches as the memories of that fucking island blast through me.
“What are you talking about? You’re not making any sense, baby.” He kisses my forehead.
“They can’t make me choose. It nearly broke me before,” I sob.
Jayden is mine, even though he hasn’t felt like it since the damn island. If I’m being honest, his choice on the island felt like a stab through the heart, just as much as I know he will feel if I tell him the truth of what happened in that damn test.
“Breathe for me, baby. I need you to breathe and tell me what happened. You’ve been off since we saved Poseidon. I know something happened.” He squeezes me to his chest.
“I can’t. You’ll hate me.” The words explode from me in a wail without my permission.
“Beth, I can’t hate you. That’s impossible,” he whispers. “Even when you thought I lied to you about Mia, no matter how many times you pushed me away, I couldn’t hate you.”
“I told you a bit about the island of the lotus eaters, but I have been having nightmares since I found out it was a stupid test. Everything feels like an omen of what’s to come. I can’t make that choice again, Jayden.” I grip his shirt in both fists.
“Tell me what’s going on. I want to know how to help.” He runs a hand up my back.
“When I first got to the island, I couldn’t find any of you. I was transported from the rock dome to the island. I could hear people so I decided to follow the sounds, hoping I would find you guys, but my brain fogged with contentment the closer I got to the people, and I could barely remember what I was looking for.” I bury my face in his chest as memories assault me.
“It wasn’t real, baby, but I get that you experienced it and I hurt you there. Please tell me everything.” Jayden soothes me.
“The closer I got to the bonfire, the freer I felt, and when you came up to me, I didn’t recognize you at first. You gave me this pink drink that was oddly familiar and memories flashed through my head too fast to grasp. You kissed me and then Thad showed up, but there was something off about the interaction. You were too happy on that island.”
Jayden stiffens and his arms tighten around me.
“You started arguing with Thad and he implied that you were addicted to the pink drink even as you continued to argue that we belonged together. Thad was trying to take me to Raven and Adrian so we could get off the fucking island, but you didn’t want to go. I finally remembered and tried to get you to come with us.”
He runs his fingers through my hair rhythmically, never saying a word, waiting for me to finish the story. I take a deep breath and continue.
“The man who was the leader of the island tried to convince me to stay, saying the war with the gods wouldn’t touch the island and we didn’t have to worry about saving the world anymore. We could be content. The problem was that Iremembered everything and Nereus told me that this is my fate and no one else. I didn’t have the luxury to stay out of it. I had to go.”
“I didn’t leave with you in this alternate reality, did I?” Jayden whispers.
“No, you were torn between me and a stupid plant. The fact that you hesitated and looked back was probably the thing that broke me the most, Jayden. You had to think about it rather than running into danger headfirst like usual. That should have been the first clue that something wasn’t right.”
“Why did you say I would hate you?” he asks. “Nothing you just said makes me feel any differently than I always have for you.”
“I left you, Jayden. I chose the world over you. I would hate me too. I was justifiably angry with you, and I don’t think that fear and anger have completely gone away. It all feels like a terrible omen of what’s to come. What if Nereus knows something about these final battles? What if I have to make a choice between you and the world again?”
“Then you do what needs to be done. What you experienced on that island was terrible and I have half a mind to find Nereus and stab him for using me and that sick test of his, but I couldn’t hate you for the impossible choice you had to make. You did and will always do the right thing.”
