Page 16 of Artemis' Bow
“I don’t know if I can make that choice again, Jayden. I don’t want to.” I cry. “I’m so tired of having to make the tough decisions. When will I just be able to go back to normal?”
“I know, baby. There’s too much pressure on you to always do what’s expected. I’m sure it feels like you have no choices, but you do. You have the choice to buckle under the pressure or stand in the face of it, and every day I am proud of the choice you make to meet this fate head-on.” He rocks me side to side.
“My subconscious won’t let me have peace. Constantly reminding me not to get too close or it will make the choice that much harder when I inevitably have to choose. The nightmares might be the worst, though.” I bury my face in his chest.
“Are you sure it’s your subconscious and not one of the gods tormenting you?” Jayden asks.
“Which god? Why would they start psychological warfare now?” I ask, sitting up straighter.
“From what I understand, the god of choices is a pain in the ass. It might not even be psychological warfare.” Jayden rubs my back.
“You think Janus, the god of choices, is in my head? If that’s the case, he must be on Hera’s side because he’s tormenting me daily,” I mutter.
“It’s going to be okay. I don’t think it will come down to what you’re thinking. Nereus is an asshole for doing this to you, but he wanted you to be prepared for anything.”
“If it’s Janus doing this and it’s not all in my head, that means there will really be a choice to make, Jayden. How do I make that kind of choice?” I swipe at the tears running down my cheeks.
“How about we leave that in the future. Let’s not borrow problems when we have enough of our own right now,” Jayden says.
He’s not wrong, but I can’t help but worry about this. Whether it’s Janus or my subconscious, the memories and the pain won’t go away. Fortunately for me, Jayden doesn’t give up easily.
How many times has he proven that he wants me? How many times has he shown that he won’t give up on me? Guilt gnaws at my belly as I remember just leaving him behind on that island.
I’m the asshole. I gave up on him in that moment when he would never give up on me.
“How can you even look at me right now after what I told you?” I ask, glancing away.
Jayden places his finger under my chin and tilts my head, giving me no choice but to look him in the eyes. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What you did on that island was selfless. Even if you think it hurt me. That wasn’t me and you did what you had to do to get back to me. Your guilt is misplaced and unnecessary.”
“You have never and will never give up on me and that’s exactly what I did on the island. Even if you don’t hate me, I hate myself right now for not realizing what I did. It’s unforgiveable.” I shake my head.
“Beth,” Jayden growls. “Don’t tell me how I should feel. I love you and always will. In case you forgot, we’re gods now. I’m a lot harder to kill.”
We are harder to kill but not impossible. If I lost Jayden, I would lose myself and everything would be destroyed.
5
Jayden’s hand wraps around the back of my neck and pulls me in, crashing his lips to mine.
He pours all of his love and desire into his kiss, and I melt against him. I open for him to deepen the kiss and Jayden groans as his tongue meets mine. He crushes me to his chest even as I grip his shirt in both fists, pulling him closer.
“I love you so much, baby. Please don’t give up on us. We’ll get through everything together.” Jayden rests his forehead against mine.
“I love you too. I’ll try. It’s all I can think about half the time.”
“Well, let’s change that for a little bit, shall we?” His hands slip beneath the hem of my shirt.
“Mmm, Jayden, what are you doing?” I ask.
“Getting your mind off things and worshipping your beautiful body.” He trails kisses down my neck.
I tilt my head to the side to give him better access and slip my own hands under his shirt, tracing his abs with my fingers.
“Your touch is electric, baby, just like you,” Jayden growls. “Take it off me.”
“With pleasure,” I moan as he licks a path down my chest.
His hands roam my body as he pulls my shirt over my head and tosses it somewhere in the room. My bra follows quickly behind my shirt and then I rip his shirt over his head as well. His chest gleams with droplets of sweat and my mouth waters at the sight of all the muscles on display for me and only me.
