Page 121 of Even Vampires Bleed
I’m the biggest asshole for not seeing any of this coming.
For a second, I blame Angélique for not telling me. She’s supposed to be my best friend, and she ought to have warned me about what could happen here, alone with Cassiopé, but I can’t even think like that.
It’s all my fault.
I’ve lived like a new man—as if I had no past before being ‘reset’. It didn’t even occur to me that the man I used to be could have something to live for.
I feel like I stole his life, which is dumb because it’s also my life. If my attraction to the girl my former self dated is any indication, we might not have been so different.
Except he got the girl, and I can see it in her eyes.
Unless this brain chip isn’t a problem anymore, and my impending memory loss isn’t in the balance anymore, I won’t have a chance with Cassiopé.
And I understand, truly, I do.
It doesn’t make it less painful, though.
I know this is deeper than just a need for her body. I know this is more, but I’m not sure she’s ready to hear it, either.
“Come back to the house,” I tell her. “You need dry clothes. I’ll sleep on the couch again. My back isn’t hurting anymore, and I asked Angélique if she could bring a mattress next time she comes. I can sleep on the couch until then.”
She shakes her head.
“I can’t do it anymore,” she says, and this time I know exactly what she means.
She can’t live with me, knowing that it might break her heart even more.
I get it.
I’m freaking sad, but I get it.
“I’m going to ask Angie to bring me back next time, and we’ll send someone else to keep you company,” she says with a broken voice.
She’s not crying anymore, but I can still hear in her voice that she’s just seconds away from crying again.
So, I say the only thing that will make this right.
“Go back to Notre Dame.”
She seems surprised by my words, but I mean it.
If I want to prove to her that I mean it, and that I want her to be happy, then I need to let her live.
Away from me.
“You need to live again, Firefly. You need to find your inner fire again, and I won’t be the one holding you back. You need to go back home.”
I pause for my words to settle in her mind.
“Go back to Notre Dame tonight. Or maybe tomorrow if you want to sleep before making the trip, but go back to your life and forget about me.”
She doesn’t answer.
“You’re right. I didn’t know, and it wasn’t fair of me to think things would go further away with you without knowing the full situation. Now I do, and I don’t want you to feel trapped with me.”
She only nods, and I see resolve in her eyes.
“I’ll leave in the morning. I’ll take the couch for the night.”
