Page 91 of Things We Need to Say
‘I’ve got a room in staff accommodation at the hotel.’
‘You’ve got it all sorted, haven’t you? You must have been planning this for a long time.’
‘Not a long time, no. I was just lucky that a room was available when I made my mind up.’
‘Lucky?’
‘I can understand this has come as a shock, but in time I think you’ll see it’s for the best.’
‘I don’t think I will.’
She blinked back tears, not wanting to cry in front of him. How had it got to this? This feeling that there was no way back? She couldn’t explain it to him, she couldn’t even find the words to explain it to herself. But she knew she needed time and space away from him, to try to get everything clear in her head.
‘I’m sorry, Jay, really I am, but I can’t live with you at the moment.’
‘At the moment?’ he asked. ‘Does that mean you might change your mind?’
‘No, Jay. Oh, I don’t know. I just need to get away. I need to be on my own.’
‘Okay, I’ll give you space if that’s want you want, but please, please, Em, don’t give up on me just yet, don’t give up on us. We don’t have to live together to still be together.’
‘I don’t know, Jay. I can’t think straight. I just need to go, so I’m going to pack my things.’
* * *
Back in the kitchen, Jay tried to take in what had just happened. He was torn between so many emotions. Anger that Emma wasn’t prepared to give their relationship a fighting chance. Sorrow that his obsession with the competition and his closeness with Chloe had made her believe he didn’t love her. Guilt for treating her this way.
He thought about their relationship and how they were together. How they had been together. The way he loved Emma was based on a real connection, built over time. They had common interests and a shared outlook on life, and he’d always thought they were in it for the long haul. Maybe that was why he hadn’t made as much effort as he should have done. What he was certain of was that he didn’t want to lose her. He began to clear away what would remain their uneaten dinner. He would give her a bit of space and then take her a cup of tea, and hope that they could carry on talking. He wasn’t ready to give up yet.
* * *
Emma pulled down her suitcases from the top of the wardrobe and began to throw her clothes into them. She didn’t care whether they were folded properly or if she even wanted to take them with her. Her actions were clouded by her tears. Because while this was a rational decision, her heart still belonged to Jay and the grief of losing their relationship was breaking it.
A knock on the door startled her and she hastily scrubbed her tears away before answering it. She just hoped that her mascara hadn’t run all down her face.
Jay offered her a steaming mug. ‘Thought you might like a cup of tea.’
‘Thanks.’ Her throat was parched with all the crying.
‘Look, I can see you’re set on leaving, and maybe some time apart is what you need to have time to think. But I really don’t want this to be the end. I do love you, Em, but I have taken you for granted and for that I’m deeply sorry. Maybe we can still sort things out. Perhaps living apart could give us some space to work on our relationship.’
‘I don’t know, Jay. It might be too late for that.’
‘Just think about it. Please?’
She nodded, unable to speak.
‘How were you thinking of moving everything?’ he asked.
‘I don’t know.’ She realised she hadn’t really planned much beyond actually telling him. ‘Taxi, probably.’
‘There’s no need for that. I’ll give you a lift.’
‘You’d do that.’
‘Of course I would.’
* * *
