Page 28 of Saving Tracey
I felt the lump in the back of my throat build until tears began to leak from my eyes. Soon, the sobs followed, and I curled into myself, letting everything out.
Trevor just tightened his arms around me, drawing me onto his lap as he ran his fingertips up and down my spine while I broke down.
I was hurting. All of the years of pain were catching up to me. Why couldn't I be one of those girls who had a father that loved her, hugged her, danced with her like normal dads did? Why couldn't I have a mother that rubbed my back and laid in bed with me when I had a nightmare? Instead, I had to suffer and be hurt and be broken.
After seventeen years, all of those years, someone was trying to help me. Why couldn't someone have cared enough beforehand about me? If someone had just tried to fight through my barriers on their own, I wouldn't be feeling this way. Kaleb had tried, but if we hadn't been paired up for a project, he wouldn't have ever noticed me because I didn't run in his circles. Trevor and Paul never would have given me a second glance if Kaleb hadn't introduced me to them.
The truth was—the hard, sad truth—was that no one really, truly gave two fucks about people who were hurting, people who were broken.
Nobody really cared.
People just went on about their lives. They passed by people every day that were being abused and never asked how they were, said hi, or asked if something was wrong.
Abuse was the cause of death all the time, and nobody ever stopped to think that the girl that sat right next to them in class was being hurt.
All of the signs were there.
People just never gave a damn.
Chapter Eight
Iwalked into the school with Kaleb, Krista, and Emily at my side. It was a struggle for me to get out of bed this morning and come to school. I was still feeling miserable, and my eyes were crusty from crying so much yesterday. I felt extremely tired and wanted nothing more than to stay in my room and wallow in my misery.
Of course, no one would allow me to do that.
Kaleb's mom had given me a phone this morning before I left for school, and she had programmed everyone's phone numbers in it for me. It was my first time owning a phone ever, so I was pretty grateful.
I would never be able to repay her for everything that she did for me.
Trevor and Paul sauntered up to us with big grins on their faces. My cheeks reddened when my eyes met Trevor’s, and he shot me a small smile as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.
He had held me for hours on end last night. My body still tingled, and even now, it was almost like I could still feel him holding me.
"Guess what, Kaleb?" Paul asked.
Kaleb quirked a brow at his best friend. “What?"
"Coach is letting all of us out of practice today because of our big win last Friday. Isn't that fucking awesome man?" Paul could barely contain his excitement.
Kaleb grinned. “Yeah, it is. Since we don't have practice, do you guys want to head to the lake today?”
Trevor shrugged, his eyes landing on mine. "Only if Tracey gets to come." He was holding my gaze, and I was finding it impossible to look away.
Why did he always have to be so intense?
I shook my head at him. I didn't want them to see the scars covering my arms and thighs. I intentionally wore long sleeves and jeans to keep them concealed. I may have tried committing suicide many times, but I was still ashamed of the scars that covered me. Kaleb knew about them, but he hadn't seen them. I didn't want anyone else finding out about them.
Especially not Trevor. I didn’t think I could handle it if he looked at me differently.
"I'm good. You guys can go by yourselves."
Trevor opened his mouth to protest, but I just shook my head at him and turned on my heel, walking away before any one of them could protest. Once I made it to my locker and opened it, pulling out my books, I saw a pair of scissors I had stolen from art class last semester sitting under all of my books.
Was it sick that I felt relief in seeing those scissors?
I could find a release.
No one had to know about it.
