Page 65 of The Snag List
Lindy nodded her head. It was a reflex. She was nodding but she couldn’t believe it. In the troubled quiet, Finn’s question from a few minutes earlier returned to Lindy’s mind:Did you see Max in the comments?
‘Finn. What did you mean did I see Max in the comments?’
A wary look took over from Finn’s shock. ‘Oh, nothing, that’s … we can talk about that later.’
‘Finn?’
‘Linds—’
‘In what comments?’
‘OK.’ Finn was visibly trying to compose herself, clearly gearing up for something. ‘I don’t want to stand on your neck and spit on your soul while you’re obviously already down, but I did come here to talk about something.’
Lindy clenched as Finn pulled her iPad out of her bag.
‘I’m really not sure now’s the time to get into this. We haven’t even cleaned the—’
‘What is it, Finn? If it’s about Max I need to know this second What. Is. It?’
‘The bottom half of the internet, sis.’ Finn flipped open the cover and propped the tablet on the desk so Lindy could see. A couple of taps on the screen and a screenshot appeared. It took Lindy a minute and then the realisation of what she was looking at landed like a punch. The Maxxed Out comments section. She swiftly unfocused her eyes so the words about her couldn’t penetrate, as she had trained herself over many years.
‘Lindy, this is serious. I have some real concerns. So does Mum.’
‘OK, OK, I can see how this probably looks, but I swear it doesn’t bother me.’ Not a complete lie. ‘I know they seem to hate me, but that just comes with being a woman and being anywhere near the internet. I know you guys care about me but you just don’t get it. You’re not in the industry. It’s fine. I am fine with it.’
It was a strange phenomenon that Lindy, despite never appearing on camera on the channel, was the main focus of the comments section. YouTube families were frequently up for dissection, and Lindy had spent the first couple of years of Maxxed Out engaged in a futile full-time game of whack-a-mole with the channel’s detractors. No sooner had she crafted a carefully worded response to a vicious reply to a video than another would appear in its place. The trolls were easy enough to ignore and block; it was the people who she feared had something of a point that ensnared her and kept her awake at night. Was her son comfortable with being on camera? they asked. Was she ruining his childhood? Didn’t he have a right to privacy? Had she no shame?
When she lay in bed, blinking into the dark, her mind racing towards agreeing with some of them, Adam would haul her back. ‘They don’t know what they’re talking about. They don’t give a shit about Max – they’re just high on self-righteousness. Maxxed Out is giving Max an amazing childhood. What kid gets to go skiing and to Disneyland and on safari all in one year? What parents get to spend this much time with their kid? He’ll have a deposit for a house before he even leaves school!’ And in this way, Adam routinely talked her down.
Still the endless ‘feedback’ was exhausting. The questions in the comments section soon morphed into out-and-out accusations. She was a child abuser, a money-hungry fiend, a monster, a selfish bitch who should just go and kill herself. Lindy had long since stopped reading. She’d placed the task of managing follower engagement firmly in Adam’s hands.You want the YouTube channel so badly, you deal with the hate.
Then when Jamie Bell, their MD, had joined the business two years in and assembled a dedicated team, she’d tasked him with collating the hate and providing a breakdown. It came as no surprise that 88 per cent of all Maxxed Out ‘feedback’ was vitriol directed at Lindy for her apparently dire and downright evil mothering. Concern for the child was how the viewers justified telling her to kill herself. Ugh. If she wasn’t wholly dependent on it for their income, Lindy would really rather just turn off the internet at this point.
‘I know it looks bad, Finn, and they are bizarrely fixated on me, but I can take it. I’ve made peace with it. I never ever go there.’
‘You may not go there, sis, but Max does.’
‘What? He can’t – we have Cyber Nanny.’ Lindy snatched up the iPad to examine the picture.
Sea Breeze Lover:Lindy Reid is nothing but a child abuser. She is exploiting that poor boy and robbing him of his innocent years #JailForYouTuberFamilies.
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The Real Max:My mom is the best mom in the world. You don’t know anything about her. You’re just a saddo online.
Sea Breeze Lover:I’m afraid that you are being gaslit by that mEgaLOmaNiac cUnt and you’re much too young to see that right now. Luckily there are services in place to help children like you.
The Real Max:I don’t need any help. I love my mom and I love doing my videos so … FUCK You ;)))
Oh God. Lindy flipped the cover back over the screen. She couldn’t bear to read any further. She placed the tablet on the table in front of her and brought her head down to rest on top of it.
How can this have happened? I have completely failed him.
More fuel for the ever-blazing guilt fire in her head. Stealing his childhood, not spending more time crafting, too much screen time. Now Max was sneaking online and defending her. Defending their life.He is eleven years old.
‘Lindy. Do you not have internet controls to keep him off there?’
‘We do. But you have no idea what it’s like.’ When Maxxed Out became a limited company they’d created guidelines to protect their son but now, five years on, they seemed laughably naive. ‘We try to keep Max’s access to the channel restricted, but kids are way more savvy about the internet – what can we do?’
