Page 124 of Fun Together
He doesn’t believe me, or hecan’tbelieve me?
“Where do you see yourself in the future? Are you married with kids? Do you take your dog for walks around the cute neighborhood you live in?” I take a shaky breath. “Do you have the love that your parents have that you talked about in your speech?”
He doesn’t say anything, just looks off into the distance.
“Because I don’t see that in my future. Your speech was so lovely.Youare so lovely.” My voice breaks. “And you deserve someone who can appreciate you without any reservations.”
“We can’t control the future, Faye.” He takes my forearms in is hands. “I’m just asking you to try. With me. I don’t want anything more than I want you.”
That feels like a kick to the stomach. “You say that now, but you’ll meet someone else who wants those things. I can’t keep you from finding that. So, we have to go back to what we were before. Friends.” The sting of tears is like daggers behind my eyes, but I don’t let myself cry yet. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
He looks at me, pleading now. “Being just friends with you would hurt me. I’m falling in lo?—”
“Please don’t,” I interrupt him. If I hear him say those words I will break. “Please.”
“But I am. I can’t help it.” He steps forward, until he’s so close me that I have to lift my chin to look at him. “I’m falling in love with you, Faye. Please let me.”
“I can’t.” A tear escapes in a slow procession down my cheek. He wipes it away with his thumb.
“Can I tell you why?”
Why does he have to be so wonderful? Why do I have to be so broken?
“Every day I wake up and I can’t wait to see you. To hear about your day and tell you about mine. Make you laugh. Talk about nothing. Talk about everything. I thought I was just curious about you, and I’d satisfy the curiosity and move on. But that curiosity will never go away, because it shouldn’t. I want to spend every second I have figuring you out because I love being able to know you. You may not be easy to know, Faye, but you’re easy to love.
“I’ll spend the rest of my life convincing you to be with me. And if you won’t have me, then I’ll spend the rest of my life missing you.” His voice trembles, like he’s holding back tears, too. “Because I’d rather miss you forever than pretend I’m just your friend.”
I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest. This debilitating fear has turned me into the worst version of myself. Because it’d be so simple to just tell him the truth.
That I’m falling in love with him, too.
But telling him would only make things harder, and I don’t trust myself to love him the way he really needs.It’s easier in the end to let him go now, so he can move on. He doesn’t need me the way the thinks he does.
He kisses the top of my head, holding his lips there, gaining strength and giving me comfort.
I hope she’ll let you love her.
He lifts his head and removes my arms from his waist. “I hope someday you’ll let me,” he says before walking back up the path.
41
Eli
I feelstripped down to my bones.
Walking back to the office, I’m like a zombie, running on nothing but pure instinct to follow the same paths and hallways that have become familiar to me.
But everything is wrong. I no longer see possibility in this place. I see it for what it really is to me now. A place I fell in love. A place I felt like a failure. A place I can’t make myself work or think the way I’m supposed to.
So where does that leave me?
I didn’t look back as I walked up the path, but I wanted to. Half hoping Faye would come sprinting through the grass to make her very own confession, that she’s in love with me, too.
But who would do that after being backed into a corner the way I just did to her?
I keep my focus on making my feet move, one step at a time, and head straight for Melissa’s office. While I’m baring it all, I might as well continue this honesty kick. Let’s keep this party going. What do I have to lose at this point?
I peek my head in and tap lightly on her door. “Knock, knock.”
