Page 466 of Conveniently Wed
She dropped a feather light kiss on his brow, then turned and tiptoed away.
The sharp intake of Katie’s breath woke Josiah from a light slumber. He was embarrassed that she had found his little hideaway, embarrassed to have been caught doing nothing more than sleeping. He kept his eyes closed so he didn’t have to face her.
All was quiet now. Had she left? But then the swish of her dress and footsteps moved closer. His heartbeat banged nearly out of his chest. He willed his body to stay calm, but it tripped, skipped, and picked up speed. When she placed a light kiss on his forehead, he nearly gave himself away. The mere fragrance of her closeness stirred his senses. It took all his strength to remain still and not drag her into his arms. As her footsteps faded, his heart rate plummeted, and he wished that it would stop altogether. The pain was too much to bear.
Why had she kissed him? Did she care, or was he just better than nothing? But then why kiss him when she thought he would not know? None of it made any sense.
He couldn’t begin to explain the change in her. It was as if someone had taken all her sadness, wrapped it in a sack, and tossed it to the bottom of the Shenandoah River. The new Katherine was confident, talkative, and peaceful. She’d been attractive before, but now—now she was beyond irresistible.
He couldn’t sleep. He couldn’t concentrate on his work. And he most definitely couldn’t handle her intoxicating presence. Hefelt like a tongue-tied schoolboy when she was near. All the strength he had was used up in that one hour at supper. He would have made excuses to not join if he weren’t afraid of her seeking him out and demanding an explanation. At least in a group, he had the power to resist her.
When he asked Jeb about the changes, he’d just smiled and told Josiah to ask Katherine himself. But how could he when he couldn’t bear to be alone in her presence? For, try as he might, he had never stopped loving her. And like a mighty wave crashing over a child’s sandcastle, one moment alone in her presence could crumble all his resolve.
In the past few weeks, the sweet agony had only increased. Josiah could not escape. He let out a puff of air as he headed in for supper. How would he continue to hold his composure together? He entered the house and slipped his hat on the hook. With determination, he took the steps two at time in a hurry to clean himself up before the supper hour. On top of everything else, he didn’t want to take Delilah on.
His room, which used to bring solace, now brought memories of their time together. He slammed his hands down hard on the marble washstand as he looked at the haggard man in the mirror.
Why was Katherine seeking him out, asking his opinion on everything from Sunday church meetings to hairstyle preferences and supper menu ideas? It was bad enough the bookkeeping was a legitimate reason to thrust them together, but did she have to bother him with one decision after another on subjects she never would have concerned him with before?
He ripped a clean shirt off the hanger and threw it on, buttoning with fierce determination. He needed space and distance. Yet he found himself walking down the steps and slipping into his chair at the supper table, piling his plate high with food, and chatting as if nothing were amiss.
After a few minutes of quiet, Katherine’s soothing voice brought his focus up. “No more working in the evenings, Josiah. You need time to unwind after a long day of physical work.”
He glanced around the table to see what the others thought of his wife’s sudden demand. Abe and Delilah nodded in agreement. Ruby and Annie each kept their gaze on their plate.
He raised his brows at Katherine. “I see you broach these subjects when you have reinforcement.”
“When I have to.” Her voice gentled. “Josiah, you’re exhausted. And it shows. We’re all worried about you.”
He scanned the other faces again. None argued with Katherine’s assessment. He remembered how she had caught him sleeping in the barn. How could he logically argue? The last thing he wanted was for her to bring that incident up in front of everyone.
“Fine.” He gripped his fork and knife until his knuckles whitened as he ate the rest of his meal in silence.
When he finally pushed his empty plate away, Katherine rose from the table and came around to his chair. “Come, let’s retire to the parlor.” She held out her hand.
The thought of touching her brought a mixture of fear and longing inside him. He should stay far away from her, but with her standing there waiting for him, refusing would hurt her, especially in front of the others. Surely he could be strong enough to keep himself in check.
He enclosed his hand around hers and stood. The touch of her soft skin sent a thrumming through his limbs. He tried to pull away, but she braided their fingers together and led him tothe settee. She sat close beside him, something she hadn’t done in a long, long time.
His heart kicked against his chest as he drew in a deep breath, pulling in her scent. He almost reached out and gathered her close before he caught himself and jerked back, ripping his hand out of hers.
“No need to look so horrified.” Her voice dropped, disappointment weighing her tone.
He caught a glisten in her eyes before she looked down and smoothed non-existent wrinkles from her gown.
He couldn’t let her know there was nothing in the world he wanted more than her. He couldn’t risk the pain of another broken heart.
She made that little inhale that meant she planned to speak again. He steeled himself for what else she might ask of him. “I want to let you know that I became a Christian not long after Colby left.”
His jaw dropped, and he snapped it shut. “What is it with you all? First Jeb, then Colby, and now you? I believe in God, but I don’t have to make a production out of it as if it’s some kind of event.”
“It’s not a production, it’s an everyday relationship.”
He frowned. “I don’t get it. God’s up there. We’re down here trying to do the best we can. No more is necessary.”
“Moreisnecessary. We need to make a choice to ask Him into our lives and then live?—”
Her words had a familiar ring, one that settled a sour taste in his mouth. “Looks like you and Colby will have more in common than ever, he rattled on to me about the same thing. Why don’t you go find him instead of hanging around here?” Even as he spoke the words, he dreaded her response. Would she leave him finally? Could he bear it if she did?
