Page 465 of Conveniently Wed
“Have you been sick to your stomach?”
“My goodness, yes. A lot. But that’s from all the turmoil in my life.”
“Colby?”
Katie sucked in a breath. Was Ma suggesting that Colby and her…? No. “Colby was part of the turmoil, but we didn’t… Never.”
Ma’s brow creased. “And you and Josiah haven’t been together at all?”
A hand flew to her mouth as realization slipped through her. “There was one time a few months ago. But surely that wouldn’t do it?”
“I’m a thinkin’ it took.” Ma giggled. “I know I shouldn’t be laughing when obviously you’re shocked, but I’m going to be a grandma, and I’m tickled pink.” She reached over and smoothed a hand on Katherine’s abdomen. “I assure you, with that decided bump on your slim frame, you’re in the family way. I’d guess a good four months.”
Her heart picked up speed. She’d missed her last few monthly cycles, but she’d blamed it on stress and lack of eating. She clutched at her ma’s hand, her knuckles turning white. “Youhave to promise you won’t say a word, not to Pa, not to anyone. At this point, I don’t even know if Josiah wants me, and the last thing I need, is for him to pretend for the sake of a child.”
Ma squeezed her hand. “I understand. Pa shared how difficult things have been between you two. I hope you don’t mind that I know?”
“No, I expected him to tell you.”
“I won’t say a word, but you have to tell Josiah. Sooner than later.”
“I will. I will. I just… I can’t quite believe this.” Katie rose and paced the porch. “I need time to wrap my mind around it.”
“Sorry to say, girl, but time is ticking. Don’t wait too long.” Ma stood and gave her a quick hug. “I’ll go get Pa to walk you home.”
Katie soothed a hand down the front of her dress—over the bump. “Dear Jesus.” She looked up to evening sky. “A baby? God, I want this child so much, but things are so messy. The timing is all wrong. Josiah is going to think I’m interested in the marriage only for the sake of the child. The truth is, I’m trying to love the man you gave me. I need help.”
Her pa’s steps came up behind, and she sent him a smile as they started walking.
The churning in her mind would take a while to sort, but there was one thing she knew she needed. “Pa, I haven’t told Josiah about becoming a Christian yet. Can you pray for me? I’m not sure where he stands, and I was hoping to show him the changes in me rather than tell, but now?—”
Her father turned a questioning gaze to her. “What?”
“Just pray for me?”
He slipped an arm around her shoulders. “Of course. I always do.”
As they walked past the barn, a shaft of light poured through the crack in the door. The urge to talk to Josiah swept over her, and she stopped and faced her father. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He nodded and kissed her cheek.
After he left, she pushed open the entrance. The sweet aroma of fresh hay mingled with the tangy smell of horse sweat and leather. She moved toward the small tack room on the far end of the barn, where the warmth of light spilled through the open doorway. She gathered her shawl tight around her shoulders. A prickle of tension scuttled up her spine, and she shivered.
In the light of a lone candle, with a blanket around his shoulders, Josiah slept in an old wooden rocker. His face, devoid of expression, took on a little boy quality. The usual lines of fatigue and tension lay smooth and relaxed. The urge to wrap her arms around him welled up.
The fact that he wasn’t comfortable in his own home brought a lump to her throat and tears to her eyes. How had their lives become so complicated? She remembered the days when he would hurry in from the fields to eat supper with her, and they would talk for hours. Now he slept in a cold barn, in a storage room, as far away from her as he could get.
God what am I to do?She breathed the prayer into the heavens.
Love him.As clear as an audible voice, the words penetrated her being. She stopped and listened.
Love him.
It didn’t take much to realize that the command to love her husband lined up with the word of God, but what did this love look like?
Choose to love.
Love was a choice. How strange a thought. Wasn’t love a feeling? Yet, the more she read her Bible, the more she learned how God’s ways were so contrary to her previous way ofthinking. She and Josiah could not go on as they were. One of them had to bridge the ever-widening gap. It might as well be her.
